If You Can't Adopt,

Let's face it, adoption isn't for everyone. BUT, God has called us ALL to care for the orphans and widows. He has called us all to reach out to the poor, the weak.

If there's one thing I know, it is that the WHOLE body of Christ is SO important in an adoption.

In both of our adoptions of large sibling groups, our church families and Christian friends have played an essential role in helping to bring our children home and in helping our family to thrive after they came home. {thanks!}

Unfortunately, for those families who can and are willing to adopt, finances are often an issue. Whether we like it or not, adoption costs are often up over $20,000.00 just to bring home one or two children.

It isn't right, and hopefully someday it will change, but for the children who need a family NOW, someone has to pay this cost to bring them home.

That's where we ALL come in - adoptive families and adoption supporters together can help other families bring their children home.

My friend, Courtney, had a great idea to help raise funds for 26 families who are currently adopting. It is called 10K in 20 days and they are almost halfway through. They have raised almost 4K, so they have a little farther to go, but I know they can do it!

One adoptive family will receive 2,000.00 to help with their adoption costs and the other 25 families will each receive 200.00 for their adoptions. In addition to the money, they will receive the encouragement from knowing the body of Christ is behind them!

Did you know that if 600 people each gave $10, we could have the other 6,000.00? Just $10. Would you all help me find 600 people who care $10 about orphans?

If you are interested in learning more about the project, click here

or click the link on my sidebar for 10K in 20 days.

We'd love to have you join in and help bring some children home!

When you don't feel love

Lisa, over at A Bushel and a Peck has a great "Tuesday Topic." She posted a question from a newly adoptive mama about what do do when you (the mama) don't feel attached. This is a really great question and one that sometimes gets overlooked or not talked about for fear of what others might think.

Lisa will be posting all of the comments next Tuesday and I can't wait to read them!

After leaving a comment at her blog, I thought I might repost my thoughts here - since I might need to read them and remind myself of this on my next bad day! LOL!

So, for what they're worth, here are my thoughts on what to do when you, as the adoptive parent, aren't feeling attached:

Hi there! First off, I just want to say that what you are feeling is NOT uncommon. It always makes me frustrated to read blogs or other writings that say "oh, it is exactly the same as having a biological child. . . I love them so much and I don't feel any different." In my honest opinion, this is almost never the case and if the person writing it isn't just flat lying, then they are probably still in the honeymoon phase!

Please don't feel like you are alone in the struggle to feel attached to your adopted child.

Secondly, if you are not "feeling love," it is O.K.! The reason it is O.K. is that true love is not a feeling. . . it is an ACTION. If you are not "feeling" loving toward your child yet, just keep on ACTIVELY loving them - for an infant, that means rocking, singing, feeding, changing, holding, feeding, changing, bathing, rocking, feeding, changing, talking, feeding, changing. . . well, you get the picture! LOL! The feelings will follow the actions - eventually! With our first adoption (a sibling group of 3 from Liberia ages 4, 5, and 7), I didn't have the CONSISTENT loving feelings for over a year! I often FELT more protective toward my biological child, especially when our adopted children were the antagonists. However, we kept on actively loving them, and praying - praying a LOT- and hoping that their little hearts would heal. And then, one day, I was talking to my friend about an injustice that one of my adopted children had suffered at the hands of a neighbor (and boy, was I mad!) and my dear friend pointed out to me that I was having that true "mama-bear" protective love toward my child. And, I was! Even though we look as different as night and day, I often do (NOW) almost forget that these children were not from my womb. BUT, it wasn't always the case. It took a long time to get here! We have found a similar thing to be true with our second adoption (a sibling group of 6 out of foster care). Active Agape (unconditional) Love leads to that Phileo (friendship-type feeling) love that we all desire to have with our children. It has been easier this time around, and I think that maybe it is because my heart has already been through this process once before and I can more easily see and hope for the light at the end of the tunnel. I also wanted to say that I also mourned the lack of the breastfeeding relationship with all of my adopted children (especially with the youngest - age 2). One thing we tried was skin to skin rocking time and bottle feeding with sweet milk. We only did it for about 3-4 months, but it REALLY was an awesome time of bonding for both of us. As far as whining goes, try not to give in to it, but do remember to give him a way to ask for what he wants w/o whining - I would suggest some simple "baby sign language" for "more," "please," "drink," and maybe "up." It has only been 3 months, please do not despair! Adoption is hard, it is a sacrifice, but it is SO worth it!

Thoughts on Feeding a Large Family

Serve up some nourishment today and every day!

One Year Ago

We had recently celebrated our second "gotcha" day with our three Liberian children.

We had also recently been approved as foster parents. Two sweet toddlers joined our family. It rocked our world in many ways: the first 5 sleepless nights just about did us in! LOL! However, that didn't even compare to the immense grief we felt after the boys left us - a short 6 weeks later. And, while we were sad, there was this incredible underlying sense of Joy:

Joy in knowing we had served as the Lord had led.

Joy in knowing that He was with them.

Joy in knowing that those two precious boys had heard about and experienced the love of Jesus.

Yes, there was True Joy. . .

and yet, there was also immense sorrow. Grieving, and questioning, and praying, and searching, and then -

We knew. We knew what Christ had done for us:

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,

made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-

it is by grace you have been saved.

And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus,

in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace,

expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves,

it is the gift of God-

not by works, so that no one can boast.

But. . . it doesn't end there. . . it goes on. . .

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

And we knew that God had prepared us to be adoptive parents once again. We knew God was going to do something - something big - something more than anything we could ask or imagine. . .

So much more.

And so, one year ago, our four precious children were all tucked into bed, Jeff was reading, and I was checking my email. Still missing our foster babies, I decided to glance over at the state's photo listing of foster children available for adoption.

Not an uncommon occurrence in our household, I often saw a child or children I thought we maybe could adopt. I had even sent inquiry emails that often resulted in a polite "thanks, but no thanks" response.

"Hey babe," I said, "there is a sibling group of 4 available for adoption. Do you think I should send an email?"

"huh,?" (I had disturbed his reading) "um, sure," he said. We knew we would likely not receive a response.

Wait. Did I say "we knew?"

We had no idea where this one little email would lead!

----------------------------------------

-----Original Message-----

Sent: Saturday, May 16, 2009 6:04 PM

Hello Mrs. X Social Worker:
I read about XXX on the XX Photolisting
Public site and would like to know more.
The Child ID number is 4XXXX
My name is: Jen XXX
My address is: XXX
My phone is: XXX
and email is: XXX
SOME INFORMATION ABOUT MY FAMILY.
Children already at home:
4
Boy's ages:
7, 9, 9
Girl's ages:
6

Comments:
We are an approved fost-adopt family and are wanting to adopt a sibling
group at some point in the near future. We adopted our 3 youngest
children (sibling set) from Liberia just over 2 years ago. They are
doing great We have learned a lot about attachment issues and parenting
hurt/neglected children. It has been amazing to watch our children
blossom in our home and we would love to help other children who find
themselves in a similar place (we do not currently have foster children
in our home with us)

Current home study with a licensed agency? Yes.

If yes, the agency is: XXX

Are we certified foster parents?: Yes.

I prefer to be contacted by:
Phone: Yes
Email: Yes
Regular Mail: Yes

Thanks,
Jen

We had no idea, but we DID get a reply:

-------------------

Thank you for your interest in this sibling set of 4. If you could
please have your social worker forward a copy of your adoptive home
study for consideration.

And, so, it began.

you can read more about our story in the archives under foster care, adoption, and daily life

Adoptive Parents: Is it Hard? Have Faith!

To all of my dear friends who are hurting right now from failed adoptions, adoption disruptions, or suffering through the daily battles and frustrations of loving and praying for hurting, broken children,

May you listen (I recommend WATCHING this - but you can also get it just audio and/or read it)

HERE

and be encouraged!

God's Grace is sufficient for all of us!

Still Alive

yes, we're still alive (but just barely! LOL!).

We spent the first 3 weeks of April fighting a terrible virus that just kept traveling in circles through the 12 of us. Both Jeff and I were sick almost the whole time and all of the kiddos had it at some point too! ugh! We're glad that is over!

So, after adding in Easter Weekend celebrations, Big Joe's 10th birthday, our Liberian children's 3rd Gotcha Day, the beginning of Little League (which Big Joe and Speedy Mo are trying this year), visits from social workers, gobs of paperwork for our foster agency and the adoption process, gobs MORE paperwork for our charter school (x 8), AND my dear husband preaching for 6 weeks. . .

which doesn't sound like that much, except when we add in the reality that we have had 6 of our 10 children for less than 8 months - so, most days, we're still in basic "make it through the day" mode (while trying to be ultra-intentional to help our hurting children heal and bond).

I'm actually not complaining. It just helps me to write it out so I can "see" the reality. I so often find myself wondering why I just can't "get it together" some days. . . I so often think of our lives as totally normal and get frustrated by the daily struggle for peace and contentment to reign in our home and in our hearts.

But, when I look at the big picture, I see that we're not only still alive, but that in so many ways, we are actually thriving. The change in our newest 6 children has been incredible. They are healthy and happy and growing in godliness. We have all REALLY bonded as a family faster than any of us thought was possible. God has been so good and this journey has been quite amazing. I just have to remember to see the forest through the trees, cause sometimes those daily "trees" just seem really overwhelming but the forest really is lovely!

well, that's why the blog has been silent for over a month! I'm hoping to post a few updates soon and I'm thinking about spending the summer posting lots of pictures!