Adoption Lessons: Not Giving Up

Sorry it has been so quiet here.  It has been a season of testing and trial for us, to be sure.  I know there are many other adoptive parents who are either for the first time or the hundredth time feeling like they just can't go on.  Please don't believe it.  Don't believe the lies of the enemy.  We are crushed, perplexed, knocked down, and it is HARD, but this momentary suffering is light in comparison of the eternal glory of knowing Christ.   Join with us in leaning on and living by the words of 2 Corinthians 4 in this very difficult season:

1 Therefore, since God in his mercy has given us this new way, [fn1] we never give up.2 We reject all shameful deeds and underhanded methods. We don’t try to trick anyone or distort the word of God. We tell the truth before God, and all who are honest know this.

3 If the Good News we preach is hidden behind a veil, it is hidden only from people who are perishing. 4 Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.

5 You see, we don’t go around preaching about ourselves. We preach that Jesus Christ is Lord, and we ourselves are your servants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts

so we could know the glory of God 

that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.

7 We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. [fn2] This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. 

We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 

9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. 

We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 

10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus 

so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

11 Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. 12 So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you.

13 But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, “I believed in God, so I spoke.” [fn3] 14 We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, [fn4] will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself together with you. 15 All of this is for your benefit. 

And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, 

and God will receive more and more glory.

16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are [fn5]being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

Years ago when this "grace and glory" blog started, I had no idea just how much those two words would come to mean in our lives.  It truly is all about Him!

Adoption Lessons: Labor Pains

I *think* we might be there.

On the other side, that is.

The other side of the very very VERY (did I say V-E-R-Y?) HARD HARD HARD part of adopting KFHP (kids from hard places) with attachment issues.

Waiting for your adopted children to come home is often likened to pregnancy.  The waiting, the expectation, the waiting, the preparation, the waiting, the praying, the waiting. . .

And then, all of the sudden, they arrive.  They are home.  And EVERYONE is thrilled, and you are too

only no one told you

and you have no clue (if it is your first adoption)

that bringing them home is like feeling the first contraction:  Exciting.  A new life is joining your family.  BUT,  labor has just begun and it might be, probably will be a LONG and HARD labor. . .

Shaun says it just perfectly.

Sometimes in the "labor," in those first years home, it feels like you are in a deep dark pit and even though you
KNOW there is light at the end of the tunnel,
KNOW there is Hope in Christ,
KNOW He is doing His redeeming work in them and in you. . .
it FEELS like you 
just 
might 
die.  

And, in a very real way, you are - dying, that is - dying to self, choosing sacrifice even though you don't want it. Just like Jesus prayed for his father to take the cup from him but submitted to it anyways for our good and for His glory, we choose to sacrifice by loving our very unlovable (most times) and hurt children who continue to
reject,
push away,
and sabotage. . .

BUT,  We rejoice in our suffering as we share in HIS suffering.

We know that suffering is for a little while but that it eventually leads to Hope!

Oh, it is so hard - ESPECIALLY at about 9-12 months in!  This was one of our darkest times during both of our adoptions of older child sibling groups.  Take heart, dear friend in Christ.  We have watched our GREAT God take 9 kids from hard places with major attachment issues and REDEEM them in every way!  AND, We thank God that this process involved a whole lot of refining fire in our own lives as well!  Refining fire is painful, not pleasant, but it yields fruit that reflects and glorifies our Lord.

Dear One, if you feel like you are 27 hours into a long a painful labor, do not give up now.  He will be faithful.  

Continue fighting the good fight.  Do not lose heart or hope.  God's grace and your perseverance will yield something beautiful and worth it - just as physical labor pains eventually birth a beautiful bundle of sweet baby goodness.  Though you probably can't conceive of it now, you may even someday be wishing to go through these "labor pains" again as you look to bring home another child from a hard place.  We know, because we look forward to God blessing us again with more KFHP's if he chooses even knowing the pain it will initially bring.  

My husband and I would LOVE to encourage you and your spouse via email or phone conversation anytime!  Please let us know if you need help and/or encouragement.  We are praying for you.

Jen

Adoption Lessons: To Sum it Up:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”                    

---C.S. Lewis

"If you want to be great in God's kingdom, 

learn to be the servant of all."  

--Jesus

Adoption Lessons: What's Love Got to Do with it?

My new blog friend Jamie has just recently published a new blog series 10 Days of Adoption.  Be sure to check out all of her great posts and her story (while you're at it!).  

I was honored that she asked me for a few of my thoughts on parenting children with Reactive Attachment Disorder and on bonding and loving children with RAD.*  

Parenting children with attachment issues is not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it HAS taught me about love.  

Here's my small contribution to Jamie's post on bonding:

Children from hard places who have experienced trauma 

(and I would argue that losing your birth family is always traumatic) 

are going to have “attachment issues.”  

Their trust has been broken 

by the very people who were 

supposed to be the most trustworthy.  

Your words mean nothing to them.  They have no reason to trust what you say and they have every reason to doubt.  They have been hurt, they have had to learn to protect themselves, they lack the ability to empathize, and they are scared to death, they are master manipulators and they want to be in control. 

WARNING:  Their behavior is going to reflect this.  

And it is going to make you feel crazy.  

And parenting them is hard – CRAZY HARD.

Even if you “fell in love” with their referral pictures, chances are that once you enter this crazy hard world of loving a child with attachment issues, you are not going to FEEL like you love them. No, it does not FEEL the same as parenting a healthy attached child. Not the PC thing to say, but true. It’s hard to feel love for a child who tries to sabotage you at every turn.

But, you see, you DO love them: 

You love them by doing the loving thing over and over and over. 

You love them by parenting them in the way they need to be parented – with high nurture and high structure (despite how you parented your other kids or how your church friends parent). 

You love them by holding them when they are raging and telling them that you aren’t going anywhere. 

You love them by praying for them and fighting the spiritual battle on their behalf. 

You love them by not being easily offended. 

You love them by not being easily manipulated. 

You love them by not giving up, by not confirming their suspicions that you are just like all of the others who abandoned them and broke their trust. 

You love them by laying down your life, picking up your cross, and dying to yourself 

over 

and over 

and over.

Yes, you love them. . . and by the grace of God, someday, yes someday, you will wake up and realize that they believe you and they trust you and both of you FEEL, truly feel that phileo (friendship) love that you have both been longing for.

Dear "trauma mama" if you are in the trenches today, lovingly parenting through the crazy-hard, please do not lose heart!  Do not give up or be easily discouraged.  Fight the battle by dying.  Just for today, lay down your life and choose love.  

If you have time today, please skip on over to Sara's as she poetically describes just what I am talking about!  

*If you don't know much about RAD, please check out this great description by Lisa.  All of my 9 adopted children showed almost all of the symptoms that are listed when they first came home to us.  

Oldie but Goodie

repost from the archives. . .

Adoption Lessons: Grace Isn't Just for Me!

. . . although, most days, I certainly act like it is.

While I would like to think that I'm truly thankful and grateful for God's Grace,

the truth is that

most days I'm more like the wicked servant

from the story in Matthew 18:23-33.

You know, the servant who deserved to be thrown into prison for a debt he could never repay but then begged forgiveness from the King? The King forgave him but then the servant went right out and demanded to be repaid a very small debt that he was owed by someone else - unwilling to cancel the debt, as had been done for him.

I often think of this story in terms of forgiveness -

as in, am I willing to forgive someone

for a specific offense they have committed against me -

and the answer is usually (and eventually) "yes."

(oh, don't I feel nice and righteous now?)

But,

what if the real story here is the story of GRACE

the free and unmerited love of God offered to me-

a sinner: selfish, prideful, a liar, easily angered, fearful, untrusting, rude,

did I say selfish?

Well, now we have something quite different because, you see,

I am more than happy to accept the Grace God offers me

but somehow I find myself

constantly wanting to CHOOSE

whom I deem worthy

of receiving that free and unmerited love from me!

Oh, I am wretched.

And here's where we come to the "Adoption Lesson."

It happens all the time.

It happened with us when we first started seeking out information about children to adopt.

We wanted what they all want - AYAAHAP.

It is so common, they even made up that acronym!

As Young And As Healthy As Possible.

It's understandable.

We didn't want to mess up our lives too much.

We didn't want to mess up our son's life too much.

We wanted to adopt a child,

we wanted to love a child,

we wanted to give God's love to a child;

we just wanted to make sure it was

an easy child for us to love - AYAAHAP!

But, see, that's the problem.

That kind of love isn't really God's love.

If you think that sounds harsh, I'm with you. . .

but it's still the truth.

Think about it.

Aren't you glad that God doesn't choose to adopt us into His family

based on ANAASAP -

As Nice And As Sinless As Possible?

His Grace is available to ME!

He didn't choose me based on

how easy I was going to be to love,

how thankful and loyal I would be to Him,

how quickly I would return His love,

how many times I would sing His praises,

how easily I would obey Him,

how little trauma I had in my background,

how little I would argue with Him,

or how many times I would go my own way.

Should, then, I ought not to be willing to extend

this unmerited love

freely

to orphans who might be really hard to love?

But, oh how the flesh fights to take the easy road.

I can't tell you how difficult it was

both times we adopted

to CHOOSE what (then) seemed like the VERY hard road.

We himmed

and hawed

and prayed

and talked

and tried to think

of any and every excuse "why not?"

We had more than a few others (even those claiming to be believers)

tell us why we should NOT choose:

older children

black children

many children

foster children

that many children (LOL!)

and,

quite honestly,

we wrestled with God

and

even cried as we made the choice

to die to ourselves and take up the cross He had called us to.

It was hard.

We had to choose to listen to the only voice that mattered.

Not ours.

Not other peoples'.

Just His.

The One who sacrificed so much so that we might live in His family,

was now asking us to sacrifice so that they might live in our family.

He was asking us to have Grace for the Orphan.

After all, His Grace isn't just for me.

Will you choose Grace?

Adoption Lessons: Of Hope and Healing

I originally posted much of this as an answer to a request for some "good news" stories over on the Tuesday Topic at A Bushel and A Peck.

----------------------------------------

It is such a long story and we have seen God move in incredible ways.

He has brought true healing and redemption to all of our nine children from hard places with attachment issues and trauma.

It wasn't an easy journey and some days, it is still hard, but (for the most part) we REJOICE in the changes that He has brought to their hearts, bodies, minds. . . to ALL of them.

Our first adoption was a sibling group of 3 from Liberia who were 4, 5, and 7 when we brought them home 4 years ago.

They were VERY attachment-challenged/RAD - as in, screaming raging fits, pouting, non-verbal, sensory issues, serious spiritual battles, etc. . . almost daily for the better part of a year or so!

Today, they are SUPER healthy, happy, wonderful children whom I forget have not been with me since birth!

They do not rage anymore, don't ignore or manipulate or triangulate (mostly).

We have the (very rare) occasion when they might sort of slip back into a "oh poor me" type attitude but we see it right away and they "regulate" (RAD lingo) SO fast - minutes instead of hours!

They initiate loving contact appropriately and receive it appropriately.

They are attached to us and don't go giving random affection to strangers anymore!

All of them have come to know and love Christ and they have a heart for others as well.

Really, I forget what a struggle it was unless I am asked about it! Then, I, quite honestly, have to fall on my knees thanking God for all he has done. It really has been incredible!

Our second adoption was a sibling group of 6 who came to us from the foster system just a year and a half ago when they were ages 2,4,6, 8, 10, and 12. LOTS of attachment and trust issues. LOTS.

They had been in and out of care for years and had most adults in their lives leave and lie to them. ugh.

The older ones were sad, cold, distant, depressed, angry, fearful, mean, hateful, sassy, rude, and terribly self-centered and hateful.

The younger ones were completely unattached - almost like wild animals -

hard, unfocused, no eye contact, mostly non-verbal, fit throwing, "behind,"

and even had strange self soothing techniques like clicking and head-banging.

Yes, it was seriously crazy around here - again, for the better part of a year (or more?!) -

BUT, again, God is in the business of making all things new!

Just last week the now 9 year old came and wanted to "repent and walk with Jesus and obey Him." After he prayed and we talked, he said, "Mom, I feel like the old has gone and the new has come. . . you know that verse? And my life is like Romans 8:28. . . we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes."

Oh, the amazing redemption stories He has allowed us to be a part of!

Today (less than 2 years later), the oldest two girls are some of the most amazing young "teens" that I know.

They are compassionate, loving, and gracious (mostly).

When they do get sassy and rude (as most young girls sometimes do) they are quick to repent and make it right.

They trust us and when they get scared or fearful they come right to us so we can talk about it.

We have honest, open discussions about joys, fears, and the pain of loss that is still there, but they are truly healed little girls.

They have goals, dreams, and true JOY in the Lord.

They are helpful to us and to others.

They are playful and love to laugh.

The two youngest are no longer "behind" - in fact, all of their "diagnosis" they came with can just be ripped up and thrown away!

They are totally communicative, funny, happy, growing pre-schoolers.

They push the limits like any preschooler, but not in the crazy RAD way.

They get their love from mom and dad and not from strangers.

They are happy to see us.

They want to rock, make eye contact, and do the other very healthy things that a non-attachment challenged child would do!

They are truly JOYful blessings in our family!

The two "middle" children are still on their path to true healing, but we have seen some amazing progress even in the past month.

Our little wild child - our 7 y.o. girl - now actually "melts" when I hold her instead of feeling like a stiff board.

She climbs up for hugs, looks in my eyes, wants to talk and interact.

Her irritating, annoying, "look at me" behavior has decreased dramatically, and I think she is well on her way to total healing!

Our boy, now 9, has maybe had the hardest time because he probably has had the hardest past.

BUT, he doesn't head bang anymore (incredible!).

He is beginning to "melt" when hugged, talk and not talk at appropriate times, and is starting to have a sense of wanting to please us (rather than not caring at all).

He is the one who recently committed to following Christ and we see a change in him already.

I realized that one of the reasons I have never really told all of this part of our story is that I sometimes feel like telling it will discourage others who haven't seen this type of healing yet.

Please don't let this discourage you, but rather may it ENCOURAGE you to persevere.

I know how hard it is to be in that very dark place where you are about to lose Hope and you wonder if it will ever be any better. I do know. It is SO hard. I get it.

I don't know why our children are doing so well when others aren't yet. The only thing we can boast in is in Christ and in his redemptive work in our children's lives.

True wisdom does not come from adoption experts. It comes from Him and His Word.

We thank and praise Him for it and pray that He might continue His work in all of us.

And so, rather than offer more advice on how this happens, I will simply offer this:

We BELIEVE

(not just in our heads, but in our actions)

that He CAN heal,

that He has called us to this

and will give us the strength to carry on,

that He is refining us in this process

and that it is a GOOD thing (although hard),

that there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS Hope.

We HAVE GOT TO believe these things.

We just have to!

If God is not Sovereign and Good,

then why do we serve him or even believe in him?

If he is Sovereign and Good,

then the above list is true

and we simply MUST believe it

and live, everyday, like we do!

Adoption Lessons: Connection Matters More than Correction

Oh, this lesson is SO hard to learn!

How often I find myself correcting, correcting, correcting over and over and well. . .

of course, when the 9 piranas are zooming in

and out taking chunks out of you all day,

I guess the natural response is to swat them and tell them to stop.

Either that or just run screaming.

Yeah.

I suppose neither option is very good.

So what then are we to do with these attachment challenged children

from hard places

that the Lord has given us to parent, to love, to bring up, to teach, to train?

We certainly can't keep correcting them all day, every day because

(as any mother of an attachment challenged child can tell you)

It mostly doesn't work

and

YOU WILL GO INSANE!

really, you will

Correction certainly has its place in parenting

just as the Lord corrects us as His children.

But, HIS desire for us isn't that we would just "act rightly."

Nope.

In fact, He knows this is impossible for us anyways.

We can't do it.

We are wicked, sinful, messed-up people

whose hearts are deceitful and who can NEVER just "be good"

- no matter how many times we try

and no matter how many times He corrects us.

Praise be to God

what He really longs for and pursues with us

is CONNECTION.

He wants a relationship with us!

He wants my heart to KNOW Him,

to long to be with Him,

to understand His ways,

and He is THERE for me to connect with

- always there,

always waiting,

always pursuing,

even when I've blown it.

Why, oh why, do I think my children need anything less than this from me?

Living this with my adopted children reminds me that I CHOOSE to walk in obedience

BECAUSE of His great love toward me

that I now believe, trust, know, understand

and now reciprocate out of my great love for Him.

Jesus said: If you love me, you will obey me.

My obedience flows from my connection with Him.

Our children's obedience will flow out of their connection with us (and Him).

Thank you, Michael and Amy Monroe for reminding me of this once again.

Do you think you can remind me again tomorrow?

Adoption Lessons: Truth Heals (John 5)

I am thinking that the very sweet, nice Jesus character in the bible story books and movies is not really an accurate portrayal of his true character.

I don't know anywhere in the bible where "niceness" is touted as a virtue. And, I could be wrong here, but maybe if we worried less about being nice, we would actually speak the truth more often and tell people what they probably really need to hear (which, I argue, would actually be kinder than giving them a "pat on the back" they don't need. . . and kindness IS a fruit of the Spirit!).

Now, you are probably thinking: "What in the world does this have to do with John 5, adoption, or healing?"

Well. . . let's look at the interaction Jesus has at the pool of Bethesda -

Here is this poor, crippled man who is lying there in misery (and has been for a long time).

The psycho-babble "niceness" of our day would say that it would be good to

go up to him and ask him how he's feeling,

and say how sorry we are for him,

and make him comfortable,

and tell him oh, how terrible it is that this is his life and has happened to him blah, blah, blah. . . .

we would probably even call this "compassion."

But, that is TOTALLY NOT what Jesus does!

And, if anyone is compassionate, it was Jesus, right?

Jesus sees him and his condition and then says clear as day (and, as I read it, I am not thinking it is with a sweet, "oh, poor you" voice) asks him "Do you want to get well?"

The man doesn't say yes!

He doesn't. . . instead, he does what all people wallowing in self-pity and self-focus do - he gives a bunch of excuses and reasons why he hasn't gotten well and why he can't get well. . . the "I am totally a victim, please feel sorry for me" mentality.

Believe me, I see this DAILY in my children (and myself, if I don't watch it).

There is ALWAYS an excuse and a reason why it is someone elses fault and why they are a victim.

Jesus does not "feel bad" for the man (although I'm sure He has compassionate love toward him!).

He doesn't say, "oh, you are right. . . how sad. . . I can see how that hurts your feelings that others are jumping in line ahead of you. . . why don't we go talk to them and work it out. . . "

Nope. none of that.

Jesus just says "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk" Now, of course, I'm sure there is supernatural healing involved here, but that same power that Jesus has is available to us too.

And, when the man obeyed - actually decided to stop wallowing and to obey Christ and get up-he was healed!

Then, when Jesus sees the man later, he says "See, you are better! Now stop sinning so something worse doesn't happen to you."

Pretty blunt.

Not very "nice" in the way we think of "nice."

BUT, it was KIND.

Kind and Compassionate - because He gave them what they needed -

a good reality check - the TRUTH.

Get up, stop wallowing in self pity, stop sinning and be made well.

Sorry if this is rambling, but are you seeing this.?

. . This is SO how it is with our kids!

We aren't doing them any favors by telling them how sorry we feel for them and letting them continue in their (completely self-focused, self-worshipping) "I'm a victim, oh, poor me" mindset.

They need the TRUTH. *

TRUTH -

Yes, bad things happen.

Yes, some of them have happened to you.

Yes, life is not fair.

NOW, get up and walk!

stop sinning or it will only get worse.

TRUTH -

be healed by the love of Jesus.

You are not a victim.

Jesus is enough.

It doesn't matter what the others around you are doing.

Yes, they might be "jumping in the pool ahead of you."

Get over it.

Get up and WALK IN TRUTH.

hmm. . .not going to win me any points with the psychologists, I know.

Off to kindly and compassionately encourage my kids to walk in truth today!

*and just to make sure I'm not understood here: The Truth is always spoken in LOVE. I'm not talking about being harsh with our children. I'm talking about helping them take the focus off of themselves and pointing them toward the only One who can truly, truly heal their hearts.

Adoption Lessons: Loving our Hard to Love Children

"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?

Even 'sinners' love those who love them.

And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you?

Even 'sinners' do that.

And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you?

Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full.

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.

Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High,

because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked."

- Luke 6:32-35

Can I put this in terms of adoption for just a minute?

If you only want to adopt a child who is going to be easy to love, what is so wonderful about that?

Pretty much anyone is going to love a sweet and cuddly baby.

And, if you will only adopt a child who will repay you with a thankful, grateful attitude and will love you back, therefore fulfilling your need for love and kudos, what good is that?

Wouldn't anyone give love if they knew they would receive recognition, thanks, and praise?

But,

LOVE the children who seemingly hate you,

do good to them.

Keep on Giving of yourself without expecting them to give you anything back.

then (did you catch that, because it is really important)

THEN,

your reward will be great,

and you will be sons (and daughters) of the Most High,

Why? Why will we be sons and daughters of the Most High?

because he is kind to us. . .

and he ADOPTS US (ungrateful and wicked as we are) into His family!

May you be encouraged today to love your children with the Love that he has shown you.

Adoption Lessons: Grace Isn't Just For Me

although, most days, I certainly act like it is.

While I would like to think that I'm truly thankful and grateful for God's Grace, the truth is that most days I'm more like the wicked servant from the story in Matthew 18:23-33.

You know, the servant who deserved to be thrown into prison for a debt he could never repay but then begged forgiveness from the King? The King forgave him but then the servant went right out and demanded to be repaid a very small debt that he was owed by someone else - unwilling to cancel the debt, as had been done for him.

I often think of this story in terms of forgiveness - as in, am I willing to forgive someone for a specific offense they have committed against me - and the answer is usually (and eventually) "yes."

(oh, don't I feel nice and righteous now?)

But,

what if the real story here is the story of GRACE

the free and unmerited love of God offered to me-

a sinner: selfish, prideful, a liar, easily angered, fearful, untrusting, rude,

did I say selfish?

Well, now we have something quite different because, you see,

I am more than happy to accept the Grace God offers me but somehow I find myself constantly wanting to CHOOSE whom I deem worthy of receiving that free and unmerited love from me!

Oh, I am wretched.

And here's where we come to the "Adoption Lesson."

It happens all the time.

It happened with us when we first started seeking out information about children to adopt.

We wanted what they all want - AYAAHAP.

It is so common, they even made up that acronym!

As Young And As Healthy As Possible.

It's understandable. We didn't want to mess up our lives too much. We didn't want to mess up our son's life too much. We wanted to adopt a child, we wanted to love a child, we wanted to give God's love to a child; we just wanted to make sure it was an easy child for us to love - AYAAHAP!

But, see, that's the problem.

That kind of love isn't really God's love.

If you think that sounds harsh, I'm with you. . .

but it's still the truth.

Think about it.

Aren't you glad that God doesn't choose to adopt us into His family based on ANAASAP - As Nice And As Sinless As Possible?

His Grace is available to ME!

He didn't choose me based on

how easy I was going to be to love,

how thankful and loyal I would be to Him,

how quickly I would return His love,

how many times I would sing His praises,

how easily I would obey Him,

how little trauma I had in my background,

how little I would argue with Him,

or how many times I would go my own way.

Should, then, I ought not to be willing to extend this unmerited love freely to orphans who might be really hard to love?

But, oh how the flesh fights to take the easy road.

I can't tell you how difficult it was both times we adopted to CHOOSE what (then) seemed like the VERY hard road.

We himmed and hawed and prayed and talked and tried to think of any and every excuse "why not?"

We had more than a few others (even those claiming to be believers) tell us why we should NOT choose:

older children

black children

many children

foster children

that many children (LOL!)

and, quite honestly, we wrestled with God and even cried as we made the choice to die to ourselves and take up the cross He had called us to.

It was hard.

We had to choose to listen to the only voice that mattered.

Not ours.

Not other peoples'.

Just His.

The One who sacrificed so much so that we might live in His family,

was now asking us to sacrifice so that they might live in our family.

He was asking us to have Grace for the Orphan.*

After all, His Grace isn't just for me.

*PLEASE read this amazing post from someone who totally gets what Grace for the Orphan is all about!