Hello Again from the Mother of Many Teens

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was a blogger named Jen who at least attempted to post something regularly.

and then she had six teenagers. and then seven. and then eight.
and she didn't blog for those 3 years...
and then she got back down to 7 again and this blog is being reborn.  

For real, people!  When did this happen?  Just yesterday I had 10 children ages 12 and under!  OK, it was actually 5 years ago, but the time has just slipped away so quickly.

 Not saying' that the little kid stage was a walk in the park or anything, but the whole "I have a junior high youth group living in my house, riding in my van, constantly talking to me every. single. minute. of. the. day. thing" has been a parenting world I was slightly unprepared for and honestly, didn't super love.

Please don't hate me if you love the junior high years.  Here are my very sincere kudos to you!  But, for serious... I'd rather parent a passel of toddlers before having FOUR junior high boys again at the same time.   Oh yes, and our oldest daughters were jr. high and early high school age at that time as well.

Much to my delight and surprise, it seems that after they survive this madness known as "11-14 year olds," it is possible for them to emerge from this brain hibernation time as quite pleasant and fun teenagers!

One totally awesome thing about having 10 children is that by the time the fifth or sixth child hits a certain stage or age, our parenting skills (or lack thereof, ahem...) have been seriously rocked and refined, our responses slowed and softened, our ability to be shocked, awed, or offended is pretty much non-existent.  Well, maybe we're still working on that whole"not being offended" thing, but we are learning!

learning that nothing is so bad you can't survive it,
learning to breathe and rest in Christ,
learning to give grace to both them and us,
learning how to live with Truth, trust, and thanksgiving.

So here we are today:

For our 17, 15, and two 14 1/2 year olds, praying they will forgive and forget all of our great parenting fails and be able to remember the love and commitment and "re-overs" we had together.

Hoping my two 13 year old boys and two 11 year old girls - Yep you heard that right:  we still have four junior higher's in the house, in the van, constantly talking and talking and talking - where was I? Oh yes...  hoping that we can give them more grace, listen more, stress out less about things that will pass, and maybe even enjoy these years a bit (even IF their brains are hibernating for a while).

Thinking that by the time our 7 and 8 year olds hit this stage, I'll feel like it just like I do about the toddler stage:  bring it on!

And, beginning to believe that I might, quite possibly, be able to find the emotional and mental space to begin writing again.

Stay tuned and subscribe so you don't miss some fun stuff (like my first radio interview and a review and giveaway of my friend's new adoption book) later this week!

Halloween Re-visited

This is a re-post from last year with a promise to actually post part 2 tomorrow.   And, can I just say that you simply MUST read on if you have had your children home for less than 2 years!

The children and I have been asked many times over the past week what we were doing for Halloween and what they were going to "be" for Halloween.  How we have approached Halloween has changed a lot over the years for a number of reasons which I will expand on tomorrow.  

If you are reading this blog and you have recently adopted children (within the past 2 years), 

I will give you this little tip that may save you a little sanity:  whatever you usually do on Halloween, SKIP the sugar-laden, high sensory-overload Halloween-fest or Harvest Party at least for this year.

  It is O.K. 

Your children will not die if they don't get to go trick-or-treating.  Nor will they die if they don't go get their faces painted while inhaling huge amounts of sugar and popcorn just before winning a game of "Jesus Jack-O-Lanterns" and then bringing home a small goldfish which will most certainly die the next day. . . 

If you have NO idea why I am saying to SKIP it this year, you have probably just very recently arrived home and you really should believe me when I say that the last thing your new child needs is this high level of stress mixed in with the very real spiritual battle that is raging for his or her heart and is often intensified on this night.  

More tomorrow on our family's personal Halloween journey, but here's something to think about:

"Instead of hating evil, Americans toy with it. We toy with holidays like Halloween that were conceived in evil and that promote the “cute-ification” of evil, whether that evil takes the form of witchcraft, sorcery, ghoulishness, or some other form of malevolent imagery paraded before our children. We laugh at the very things that the Lord describes as “abominations,” and we find ourselves obsessively fascinated by, and attracted to, all things dark.

Yet we do not fear the Lord. . . "

                                                     - Doug Philipps (read the rest of the article here)

Q and A Adoption: Bringing Home an Older Child

Q:  Those of you who have brought home a child at the age of 12 and up, what would be some of your suggestions for how to foster connection? (A question from Parenting with Connection FB group)

A:  This is going to sound crazy especially to anyone who hasn't tried to create connection with children from hard places and/or older children from hard places, but honestly, my best advice is that you've got to bring them home and circle the wagons for a LONG time which IMHO looks like severely limiting peer relationships and other adult relationships until you are very well connected. 

With our oldest, this meant her being home with us 24/7. No public school, no friends outside of our family (acquaintances at church, yes), no other significant adults, no ipods, phones, computers, social media for a LONG LONG time. 

The hard thing with older kiddos is that you are trying to tie "heart strings" with them at an age where most healthy children are beginning to cut a few heart strings (rightly so - when they have many heart strings attached, it is OK to start to cut a few here and there as they begin their transition to adulthood). BUT, your new child won't have ANY heart strings to cut and they will be looking for anyone anywhere to give them what they think they want rather than to attach to you because they are SCARED that you (who are saying you will always be there and will love them, etc) are going to be just like the other adults in their lives who have let them down and they don't want to risk it again, so they are going to do all they can to ignore you, push you away and find it elsewhere. 

You've got to create a space where you are really the only option. So, circle those wagons. Stay home together (don't worry about academics that first year home!), play with them, do pre-schoolish type things with them and let them just BE a child in your family - don't worry, they'll mature out of it once they have had that need met. 

Also, spend time at night talking with them and cuddling with them as much as you can or at least rubbing their back or sitting near them (even if they resist). Say "Yes" as much as possible. Offer treats like m &m's while you look at them with kind eyes (sugar is a great "yes, you are ok." ). 

Limit media (I'd say to ZERO unless it is a special family event). Limit outside activities especially those that are peer oriented like school, youth group, sleepovers, etc (again, I'd say to ZERO pretty much for the first year or two). BUT in place of all that, put yourself - relationship, caring, loving interactions. Firm boundaries but lots of relational connection. 

AND, don't be easily offended. Oh MY, can pre-teens easily offend their parents and this is magnified in hurt children. Just let it go and don't be offended. It isn't personal. And even if it is, it won't help anything to respond to the offense in a way that communicates frustration. 

So, that's the HARD path that is a LOT harder than just going the way of the culture and hoping for the best. BUT, we've seen it help our older adopted children really become attached and healed and NOW, they are able to cut some heart strings and move out from us and start to transition to adulthood because we've got lots of strings attached and their hearts are settled and they are healthy.

Don't lose heart.  This is hard and takes time.  Your child will not instantly trust you and know that everything will be fine.  YOU understand that you are a "good" parent, but your new child does not.  Even when they can mentally assent to that (maybe a year from now), they still will have an emotional brain response that tells them otherwise.  It will take a lot of time to grow this relationship!

AND, by the way, NO ONE will understand why you are doing this.  All of your friends with healthy young teens will think you are crazy.  So will the grandparents.  People at church will probably be offended that your child isn't in the youth group.  You've just got to not care what they think, try to educate them by gracious explanation, and then do the hard work anyways.  Don't worry.  You'll be so busy trying to connect with your teen, you won't have time to worry about what anyone thinks anyways!  

What about you?  Any thoughts on older child connection?  I'd love to hear your ideas!  

Considering Halloween

The children and I have been asked many times over the past week what we were doing for Halloween and what they were going to "be" for Halloween.  How we have approached Halloween has changed a lot over the years for a number of reasons which I will expand on tomorrow.  

If you are reading this blog and you have recently adopted children (within the past 2 years), 

I will give you this little tip that may save you a little sanity:  whatever you usually do on Halloween, SKIP the sugar-laden, high sensory-overload Halloween-fest or Harvest Party at least for this year.

  It is O.K. 

Your children will not die if they don't get to go trick-or-treating.  Nor will they die if they don't go get their faces painted while inhaling huge amounts of sugar and popcorn just before winning a game of "Jesus Jack-O-Lanterns" and then bringing home a small goldfish which will most certainly die the next day. . . 

If you have NO idea why I am saying to SKIP it this year, you have probably just very recently arrived home and you really should believe me when I say that the last thing your new child needs is this high level of stress mixed in with the very real spiritual battle that is raging for his or her heart and is often intensified on this night.  

More tomorrow on our family's personal Halloween journey, but here's something to think about:

"Instead of hating evil, Americans toy with it. We toy with holidays like Halloween that were conceived in evil and that promote the “cute-ification” of evil, whether that evil takes the form of witchcraft, sorcery, ghoulishness, or some other form of malevolent imagery paraded before our children. We laugh at the very things that the Lord describes as “abominations,” and we find ourselves obsessively fascinated by, and attracted to, all things dark.

Yet we do not fear the Lord. . . "

                                                     - Doug Philipps (read the rest of the article here)

Perspective and the Little Red Hen

While I'm not a huge country music fan, I don't suppose any mama could hear this song and not get a lump in her throat.

Ironic that those things that drive us so crazy in the "dailiness" are the very things that should remind us of how very blessed we are to have these small ones with us here, now.

But, what are we doing with them here? now?  

Are we feeding them scraps off the floor?

Really and truly, you must read THIS over at one of my new favorite places!
(because it is all of my favorite mama bloggers in one place)

Am I feeding my children scraps?  ouch.

Thanks, Ann for encouraging me today to be the Little Red Hen Mama that my children need and for reminding me that

"Life’s too exquisite to serve souls discarded left overs."

On the Dark Days of Motherhood

There are times when the path is smooth,

the sun is shining, the birds are singing,

and a gentle breeze rustles the trees softly.

Ah, the bliss of motherhood.

Then

there are the dark days

of stormy clouds

pouring heavy rains,

the path is rocky,

we slip and fall,

we are tempted to stop

and turn our face down,

avoiding the sting

of the cold and biting wind.

But,

even if you can't see it,

the sun is still there.

His Light still shines.

It may be behind the clouds right now,

but it will

come out again.

Do not despair,

hold on to Hope.

Look up.

Encouraging Links for mamas on the dark days:

Our Commission (from Kim at His Hands, His Feet Today)

(especially good for moms of KFHP-kids from hard places)

A Mother's Mission (from desiringgod.com)

(a great reminder to all moms of our great and wonderful calling)

Thinking About A True Education?

It's that time again. That time of year when so many homeschooling moms are evaluating this past year and making plans for their child's education next year.

Although we tend to learn year round and not follow the school year calendar too closely, I do find myself reading, thinking, praying and planning.

I am loving the freedom and joy that our family is experiencing as we move toward a whole-hearted, love of learning, tidal, free-range, T.J., C.M. education.

No idea what I'm talking about? Try these resources just to get started:

These aren't just your typical "here's a great way to homeschool" resources. . .

these are PARADIGM SHIFTING,

"change the way you think about education" resources.

No matter if your children are 3, 9, or 15, homeschooled or public-schooled, these are worth your time.

I challenge you to read this book (available on Kindle) and watch this video to educate yourself on what education actually is!

What is TJEd? from Thomas Jefferson Education on Vimeo.

The Moments that Make it All Worth It (#1)

So, I know you're not supposed to just copy and paste someone else's blog. . . but since this is from my dear husband, I guess it isn't exactly plagiarism, right?

For those of you familiar with my children, "boy 1" here is Speedy Mo, and "boy 2" is Chatty.

-----------------------------------------------------

Creeping Boys and Nighttime Confessions

Last night (about 10:30...well after bedtime) I could hear my two nine year old boys creeping toward the kitchen as I sat with my wife on the couch preparing to watch a movie. Here's how it played out:

Dad (D): Yes?

Boys (B): *silence*

D: Come here.

B: Dad, we want to tell you something. (How many of us dad's have heard this one before? I braced for discovering the inevitable...that I would indeed have to replace something, again.) We've been talking.

D: Okay...

B1: Dad, I'm sorry I haven't been respecting you and mom and not obeying you. Will you forgive me? I want to repent to God and give God glory and not be in charge of my own life anymore. I want to follow Jesus even if it's hard.

B2: Mom, Dad, I'm sorry too that I haven't been obeying and respecting you. Will you forgive me? I want to repent to God and follow Jesus, even if it's hard. I want God to get all the glory.

Mom (M) & D: We forgive you and we love you. Do you want to pray and tell God all of this too?

So they prayed. Then I prayed. They cried. We talked a while longer. It was special.

Instead of having to replace something, God had done that already...and the boys just wanted to tell me about it. God had been pursuing them since they had come to be in our family (B1...adopted almost four years ago and B2...adopted 1 1/2 years ago)...and they finally understood that they were sinners in need of forgiveness and grace (not just from Mom & Dad, but from God). God replaced their hearts of stone with hearts of flesh...softened enough to hear the Holy Spirit speaking to them and courageous enough to "get out of bed" to come talk to us about it.

I'm proud of my boys, praising God for their nine-year old confession, and looking forward to the Holy Spirit's work in their hearts and lives. I think I need God to continue to soften my heart too, so I can keep hearing Him more clearly; that I would be reminded of my own sinfulness; and that I would "repent to God" more often than I do.

Adoption Lessons: Connection Matters More than Correction

Oh, this lesson is SO hard to learn!

How often I find myself correcting, correcting, correcting over and over and well. . .

of course, when the 9 piranas are zooming in

and out taking chunks out of you all day,

I guess the natural response is to swat them and tell them to stop.

Either that or just run screaming.

Yeah.

I suppose neither option is very good.

So what then are we to do with these attachment challenged children

from hard places

that the Lord has given us to parent, to love, to bring up, to teach, to train?

We certainly can't keep correcting them all day, every day because

(as any mother of an attachment challenged child can tell you)

It mostly doesn't work

and

YOU WILL GO INSANE!

really, you will

Correction certainly has its place in parenting

just as the Lord corrects us as His children.

But, HIS desire for us isn't that we would just "act rightly."

Nope.

In fact, He knows this is impossible for us anyways.

We can't do it.

We are wicked, sinful, messed-up people

whose hearts are deceitful and who can NEVER just "be good"

- no matter how many times we try

and no matter how many times He corrects us.

Praise be to God

what He really longs for and pursues with us

is CONNECTION.

He wants a relationship with us!

He wants my heart to KNOW Him,

to long to be with Him,

to understand His ways,

and He is THERE for me to connect with

- always there,

always waiting,

always pursuing,

even when I've blown it.

Why, oh why, do I think my children need anything less than this from me?

Living this with my adopted children reminds me that I CHOOSE to walk in obedience

BECAUSE of His great love toward me

that I now believe, trust, know, understand

and now reciprocate out of my great love for Him.

Jesus said: If you love me, you will obey me.

My obedience flows from my connection with Him.

Our children's obedience will flow out of their connection with us (and Him).

Thank you, Michael and Amy Monroe for reminding me of this once again.

Do you think you can remind me again tomorrow?

A Work in Progress

Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,

to be self‑controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. -*Titus 2:4-5

Dearest "younger women" friends,

Are you just starting out and it seems like you'll never "get it?"

Do you have multiple ones at home and you feel like you just barely make it through each day?

Is your house a mess and your dinner less than appetizing?

Is your love life with your husband lacking (or non-existent)?

I know.

It is hard.

and,

for some of you,

it seems like you

"just weren't made for this*."

but

Don't be discouraged by what doesn't come naturally.

Honestly, I didn't know ANY of this* when I started out either.

It has been a seeking, reading, praying, growing, working it out

process to get where I am now

as a woman, wife, mom, and homemaker. . .

and I'm still learning

and have far to go.

Satan would love for you to believe that you can't do

what doesn't come easily or naturally.

That is a LIE.

God has created us to be helpers

and nurturers

and managers

and so much more

and

He equips and teaches us to do it.

Learning to find joy and contentment

in the hard work of this* has been one of

the

most

refining

processes

in my whole life.

It has been KEY in helping me to die to myself.

and oh,

so very hard

BUT SO VERY GOOD!

Take heart, my dear friends,

for as my grandmother always said,

"We are all a work in progress."

None of us have arrived yet (no matter how it looks on the outside!)

On the journey,

Jen

Be Informed before Injecting

Mr. Z cut his finger today. It bled a LOT and, in the craziness of the moment, I thought I might call to see if we could get in to see our doctor just to see if it needed a stitch.

I was unprepared for the unsolicited medical directive that was inappropriately offered to me by the SECRETARY that I needed to come in for Mr. Z to get a tetanus shot.

IF I had been thinking clearly, I would have just asked to have the doctor call me back, but instead I said "uh, o.k., what time?"

Immediately after I got off the phone I felt sick to my stomach and knew that I needed to check into this further before I injected my son with a foreign substance because he had a cut on his finger.

What I was able to quickly learn about tetanus shots was more than troubling and I subsequently cancelled the appointment, cleaned the wound thoroughly (again), administered some herbal immunity boosting pills, and some of my homemade herbal "miracle salve."

(which is what I would normally do, duh!)

This incident made me aware of just how easy it is to passively fall into whatever the cultural norms are of the day, whether it be sending our kids off to indoctrination centers when they are 3 or injecting them with foreign substances because that's what the doctor (or his secretary) tells us to do.

We've made some decisions about vaccines in our family.

We made them with a large amount of information and prayer.

I can't tell you what you should do (nor do I want to), but I do want to exhort you to

INFORM yourself and discuss it with your spouse BEFORE you INJECT.

Please, take the time to at least check out the other side!

Do your own research, but here are a few places to start:

http://www.vaccinetruth.org/

Interview with Dr. Sherri Tenpenny

PLEASE take the time to listen to this 4 part series from a doctor who used to give vaccines! Well worth your time!

http://www.generationrescue.org

some other good reading at klaty.com from another concerned mother who has done her research.

Willing to be Exhausted

Please read Summer's challenging exhortation to adoptive mama's today.

It is SO exhausting to parent children "from hard places."

SO exhausting.

And, as Randy so clearly writes,

it isn't about giving them a warm bed and full tummies.

To be honest, if that is all it was for. . .

I wouldn't make it.

But,

let us be willing to be exhausted

for the sake of their souls.

That will glorify God.

Let us be willing.

We made it to T4A!

The Together For Adoption Conference starts tomorrow and we are here! Today, Jeff and I attended the pre-conference with Karyn Purvis and Michael and Amy Monroe of Empowered to Connect.

It has been incredible training and info so far. We were confirmed in many of the ways we have been thinking about adoption and in practical aspects of parenting. . . AND we were totally convicted and challenged in some ways too.

Oh, this parenting children from hard places stuff is good, so good. . . and SO hard to do sometimes.

Dr. Purvis talked about parents feeling like they were being nattered - being nibbled to death by little pirhanas -

I can relate.

What if you have 9 piranas nibbling?

No wonder I'm tired.

BUT, most of all, what I heard was the message of HOPE. How nice to hear her confirm the fact that ALL children from hard places can heal!

I have so many things going through my head and heart right now, but for those of you who couldn't be here, let me leave you with this nugget from Michael and Amy Monroe:

Love

wanting what is best for another

AND being committed to pursue it,

regardless of the cost.

May we never forget this in our marriages, in our parenting, or in any of our relationships with those around us.

Thoughts on Feeding a Large Family

Serve up some nourishment today and every day!

Still Alive

yes, we're still alive (but just barely! LOL!).

We spent the first 3 weeks of April fighting a terrible virus that just kept traveling in circles through the 12 of us. Both Jeff and I were sick almost the whole time and all of the kiddos had it at some point too! ugh! We're glad that is over!

So, after adding in Easter Weekend celebrations, Big Joe's 10th birthday, our Liberian children's 3rd Gotcha Day, the beginning of Little League (which Big Joe and Speedy Mo are trying this year), visits from social workers, gobs of paperwork for our foster agency and the adoption process, gobs MORE paperwork for our charter school (x 8), AND my dear husband preaching for 6 weeks. . .

which doesn't sound like that much, except when we add in the reality that we have had 6 of our 10 children for less than 8 months - so, most days, we're still in basic "make it through the day" mode (while trying to be ultra-intentional to help our hurting children heal and bond).

I'm actually not complaining. It just helps me to write it out so I can "see" the reality. I so often find myself wondering why I just can't "get it together" some days. . . I so often think of our lives as totally normal and get frustrated by the daily struggle for peace and contentment to reign in our home and in our hearts.

But, when I look at the big picture, I see that we're not only still alive, but that in so many ways, we are actually thriving. The change in our newest 6 children has been incredible. They are healthy and happy and growing in godliness. We have all REALLY bonded as a family faster than any of us thought was possible. God has been so good and this journey has been quite amazing. I just have to remember to see the forest through the trees, cause sometimes those daily "trees" just seem really overwhelming but the forest really is lovely!

well, that's why the blog has been silent for over a month! I'm hoping to post a few updates soon and I'm thinking about spending the summer posting lots of pictures!

Reflections on TTUAC

First off, let me just say that I'm guessing this post will either greatly increase my readers or pretty much reduce them down to zero. LOL! Either way, I would like to at least offer my thoughts and questions here and simply ask that you remember that I am still a work in progress, striving to live a life that glorifies my Lord but knowing that I am constantly in need of His Grace when I totally blow it (that happens a lot!). Is anyone with me?

If you haven't yet heard, a 7 year old adopted Liberian girl died recently from alleged child-abuse at the hands of her parents who were allegedly following the child-training principles of Michael and Debi Pearl, authors of "To Train up a Child." This tragedy, of course, is very near and dear to my heart since we also have an adopted Liberian daughter of about the same age, and we are a large, Christian, homeschooling family AND (gulp, dare I mention) I have read some of The Pearl's books and online articles and have even followed some of the practical suggestions within them.

I had been saddened and confused in the past few months by both the death of Lydia and by the seemingly harsh and slanderous backlash against the Pearls which has been intense. I felt discouraged because we have gleaned wisdom from the Pearls website and resources over the years (although we don't "follow" the teaching of any man, but of the Lord) and I felt like so many people were now saying that the "Pearls advocate beating children to death."

THAT was never what I read when I read any of these materials, yet it seemed as if so many had such the opposite experience.

It raised so many questions:

Had we totally been blind and missing it as parents all of these years because we sought to teach our children to obey?

Had we been completely led astray by false teachings?

What about all of the "Pearl or Ezzo reading" wonderful, loving Christian families that we personally know who have sweet, joyful Christ-loving children?

How can one family read these things and parent "this" way, but another family reads it and thinks something totally different?

Because of this confusion, I have completely avoided talking about it on my blog until now.

Ann, over at Holy Experience, recently posted a link to THIS article from Tina ,reviewing the Pearl's book "To Train Up a Child," which really helped me to answer some of these questions.

I think this article is definitely worth reading no matter what your experience with TTUAC has been. In it, she outlines some of the problems that can come from TTUAC, especially in the hands of a young, inexperienced, and desperate mother or father sincerely seeking to glorify God in their parenting.

I found Tina's thoughts to be very enlightening and encouraging. So much so, that it prompted me to finally "say" something about it all in this more public forum.

In addition to what Tina concludes, I would like to offer the following thoughts:

• I have probably read a hundred parenting books and have gleaned wisdom and insight, practical ideas, and encouragement from almost all of them and have also realized that NONE of them is full of absolute truth. After all, they are written by fallible humans. The only authority for glorifying and obeying God is the Bible, which is the Word of God.

• For me, personally, it has always been easy to "chew up the meat and spit out the bones" whether I am reading the parenting advice of the Pearls, the Ezzos, Dr. Sears, Dr. Dobson, Sally Clarkson, Tedd Tripp, Scott Turansky, or any others. However, I have realized, in recent days that MANY young mothers are not as able to glean what is good and leave what is bad and often feel bad if they don't follow a particular method to a "T." This, for some reason, seems to be especially true with regards to the teachings of The Pearls and The Ezzos. This has been a bit of an eye-opener for me!

• I guess I am now what some would term a "seasoned parent" and I am often asked about books, methods, tips, tricks, principles, and practicalities of parenting. In the past my assumption would have been that any book that had helped us might also be helpful to other families. I think that I have wrongly assumed that others are able to "spit out the bones" as easily as I do while still thoughtfully applying what is biblical, helpful, and good. And, so, I arrive at the same conclusion that Tina does:

While I do not think Michael Pearl intends for his teachings to lead to abuse, I can clearly see how readingTTUAC could influence parents to sin or at least exasperate their children. I am not calling for a Pearl book burning. I do still believe that Christians should “chew the meat and spit out the bones” with any resource. Doing so, however, requires wisdom. So many parents who seek parenting advice are young, inexperienced and lack discernment. (I know I was!) Seasoned parents should direct young parents to resources that emphasize the need to pray for wisdom continually and are written in a gracious manner.

So, my question for you, dear readers, is:

What are those parenting resources that emphasize the need to pray for wisdom continually and are written in a gracious manner?

I *think* I know what ones I would recommend, but I would LOVE to hear your thoughts first!