Passion for Orphans Retreat

The retreat in CO this spring was so good.  The upcoming retreat this fall in TN should be even better!  One of my (in real life) best friends, Terina Dutton, will be one of the main speakers.  Don't miss it!

Embracing Orphans Retreat

I'm SO excited to let you all know about the upcoming Embracing Orphans Retreat April 5-7 being hosted by Mavuno Market and Heavenly Hope Ministries.

Terina from HHM is one of my dearest friends and I can't wait to see her again (maybe tomorrow I'll share the amazing way that God brought us together!).

I would LOVE to have you join us for this time of encouragement and refreshment for anyone involved in orphan care and I am looking forward to meeting some of my dear online friends in real life!

I'm looking forward to sharing more of our story during one of the breakout sessions and I'm excited to hear some other stories over the course of the weekend.

There is still time to register.  Check it out and let me know if I'll see you there!

Adoption Lessons: Labor Pains

I *think* we might be there.

On the other side, that is.

The other side of the very very VERY (did I say V-E-R-Y?) HARD HARD HARD part of adopting KFHP (kids from hard places) with attachment issues.

Waiting for your adopted children to come home is often likened to pregnancy.  The waiting, the expectation, the waiting, the preparation, the waiting, the praying, the waiting. . .

And then, all of the sudden, they arrive.  They are home.  And EVERYONE is thrilled, and you are too

only no one told you

and you have no clue (if it is your first adoption)

that bringing them home is like feeling the first contraction:  Exciting.  A new life is joining your family.  BUT,  labor has just begun and it might be, probably will be a LONG and HARD labor. . .

Shaun says it just perfectly.

Sometimes in the "labor," in those first years home, it feels like you are in a deep dark pit and even though you
KNOW there is light at the end of the tunnel,
KNOW there is Hope in Christ,
KNOW He is doing His redeeming work in them and in you. . .
it FEELS like you 
just 
might 
die.  

And, in a very real way, you are - dying, that is - dying to self, choosing sacrifice even though you don't want it. Just like Jesus prayed for his father to take the cup from him but submitted to it anyways for our good and for His glory, we choose to sacrifice by loving our very unlovable (most times) and hurt children who continue to
reject,
push away,
and sabotage. . .

BUT,  We rejoice in our suffering as we share in HIS suffering.

We know that suffering is for a little while but that it eventually leads to Hope!

Oh, it is so hard - ESPECIALLY at about 9-12 months in!  This was one of our darkest times during both of our adoptions of older child sibling groups.  Take heart, dear friend in Christ.  We have watched our GREAT God take 9 kids from hard places with major attachment issues and REDEEM them in every way!  AND, We thank God that this process involved a whole lot of refining fire in our own lives as well!  Refining fire is painful, not pleasant, but it yields fruit that reflects and glorifies our Lord.

Dear One, if you feel like you are 27 hours into a long a painful labor, do not give up now.  He will be faithful.  

Continue fighting the good fight.  Do not lose heart or hope.  God's grace and your perseverance will yield something beautiful and worth it - just as physical labor pains eventually birth a beautiful bundle of sweet baby goodness.  Though you probably can't conceive of it now, you may even someday be wishing to go through these "labor pains" again as you look to bring home another child from a hard place.  We know, because we look forward to God blessing us again with more KFHP's if he chooses even knowing the pain it will initially bring.  

My husband and I would LOVE to encourage you and your spouse via email or phone conversation anytime!  Please let us know if you need help and/or encouragement.  We are praying for you.

Jen

On Why Redemption is at the Heart of Adoption

"Anyone who has failed can appreciate the opportunity of a second chance. A second chance in the Bible is called redemption, which means you have been released or set free by payment. All your failures and shame can be redeemed if you give God the opportunity to give you a second chance. We feel as though our sin has enslaved us and ruined any potential of a fruitful future. Redemption sets you free of these feelings and actions, by His grace and forgiveness. Redemption then allows you to redeem others as you have been redeemed. You can be God's instrument of redemption in others, rescuing them from the awful penalty and power of sin. Enjoy His redemption today and share it with others, the gift of the second chance."  2 Cor. 5:17-21

-Brent Wagner (wise words from my long ago youth camp pastor)

Also, one of my favorite archived posts is being featured today over at WAGI (We are Grafted In).  I hope you'll head over and check out this wonderful adoption community.  

Desperate?

Somewhere in the middle of Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson is where I find myself as I read through the chapters of their latest book,



Though I never experienced the desperation of being a mama of many littles under age 5 all at once like Sarah Mae, I remember feeling desperate and needing to breathe many times over the past 5 years -

it was in this season of bringing home 9 hurt and traumatized children - first 3 and then 6 all within 2.5 years, that I found myself laying on my bed crying out to God on many days that I was simply DESPERATE for Him to save me.  to save them.  to do something, anything, because I was simply at the end of what I thought I could handle.

And I find that I can echo so many of Sally's words of wisdom in "Desperate."  Words that bring hope and healing to mamas everywhere who are in their own desperate season.

The truth is that God is with you and that He walks beside you and will be the strength in your weakness.  This dying to self, this desperate place is the place where new life begins.  Oh how much it hurts at the time and how hard and unending it seems, but the process of death does, in fact, bring life!

Get a copy (or 5) of this book!  Are you a young desperate mama?  Read it with a friend or two and encourage each other.  

Are you an older mama no longer desperate?  Remember how it felt when you were and DO SOMETHING today to relieve and come alongside a desperate mom.  Cook them a meal, go over and babysit so they can go on a date, offer financial help, or even just a coffee date and a listening ear.

And, remember, young moms with little ones aren't the only desperate ones.  Mamas who parent KFHP's (Kids From Hard Places) are sometimes the most desperate of all!

Who? Maybe You!

Have you considered that it may be YOU that God is calling?  If not YOU, then who?  WHO is going to answer the prayers of the hundreds of thousands of children waiting in foster care for someone to adopt them? Who is going to adopt the millions of orphans around the world waiting for a family to say "you belong"?



This actually is a good question to ask yourself!

It wasn't the question we were asking when we adopted our children from Liberia in 2007.  Back then, we viewed adoption as a good thing to do, a way to have more children, and we knew it was commanded in scripture to care for orphans and so it seemed like a good idea.

And it was!  

And we were so blessed!

but then, watching the Lord take our three new precious children from hurting, fearful, unattached, raging, and traumatized orphans to healthy, content, spunky, attached, redeemed children who were a part of our family. . .

well, it changed something in us.

We realized that God, who can raise the dead to life, ALSO can bring life to children who desperately need it.  He can take what is broken and make it new, make it whole and He had given us the PRIVILEGE of being a part of that work in our kiddos' lives!  How incredible was that?

Honestly, when the opportunity arose to adopt a sibling group of (GASP) SIX older children out of the inner city foster system, well, there were none of those similar feelings from our first adoption -

they weren't a picture of a cute sibling group on a website,
we had no sweet ideas of what it would be like,
we weren't looking to necessarily increase our family because we wanted more children. . .

BUT, we did want something else.

We wanted to walk in obedience to Christ and to share in the work that He wanted to do in these children's lives if someone would just give them a chance.

But WHO?  Who would it be?  Would it be us?  
We knew this was the question God was asking us.

It would be HARD - oh, we knew it would be hard!
We had firsthand knowledge and experience at adopting hurt older children with attachment issues - KFHP's (Kids From Hard Places).

We would have been delusional to believe that it would be anything but hard,
and we knew there were risks - BIG risks in adopting 2,3,6,8, 10 and12 year olds from the foster system. . . many of our friends told us so.

But in the end, we knew that we had to listen NOT to those voices (ours and others) that said "this is crazy so you shouldn't. . . "

no.

We had to listen to the ONE voice saying "Yes!  This is crazy!  AND, this is love.  Crazy Love!  And if not you, then who?"

We knew.  There was no one else.  

God had called us. 

He had called us!

US!  

And suddenly, rather than a burden, we saw that this crazy call was a blessing!

How amazing and how humbling that he would once again allow us the opportunity to be involved in His amazing heart work of redemption for these specific children whom he loved!

There are days when we wish it wasn't so hard.
There are days when we are tired beyond what we think we can stand.

But there is not EVER a day when we regret saying "Yes."

"Yes, we will answer God's call to care for the least of these, knowing that He is GOOD and SOVEREIGN and works powerfully to redeem all that has been lost and stolen and makes all things new - even older children from very hard places."

Considering Halloween

The children and I have been asked many times over the past week what we were doing for Halloween and what they were going to "be" for Halloween.  How we have approached Halloween has changed a lot over the years for a number of reasons which I will expand on tomorrow.  

If you are reading this blog and you have recently adopted children (within the past 2 years), 

I will give you this little tip that may save you a little sanity:  whatever you usually do on Halloween, SKIP the sugar-laden, high sensory-overload Halloween-fest or Harvest Party at least for this year.

  It is O.K. 

Your children will not die if they don't get to go trick-or-treating.  Nor will they die if they don't go get their faces painted while inhaling huge amounts of sugar and popcorn just before winning a game of "Jesus Jack-O-Lanterns" and then bringing home a small goldfish which will most certainly die the next day. . . 

If you have NO idea why I am saying to SKIP it this year, you have probably just very recently arrived home and you really should believe me when I say that the last thing your new child needs is this high level of stress mixed in with the very real spiritual battle that is raging for his or her heart and is often intensified on this night.  

More tomorrow on our family's personal Halloween journey, but here's something to think about:

"Instead of hating evil, Americans toy with it. We toy with holidays like Halloween that were conceived in evil and that promote the “cute-ification” of evil, whether that evil takes the form of witchcraft, sorcery, ghoulishness, or some other form of malevolent imagery paraded before our children. We laugh at the very things that the Lord describes as “abominations,” and we find ourselves obsessively fascinated by, and attracted to, all things dark.

Yet we do not fear the Lord. . . "

                                                     - Doug Philipps (read the rest of the article here)