Who? Maybe You!

Have you considered that it may be YOU that God is calling?  If not YOU, then who?  WHO is going to answer the prayers of the hundreds of thousands of children waiting in foster care for someone to adopt them? Who is going to adopt the millions of orphans around the world waiting for a family to say "you belong"?



This actually is a good question to ask yourself!

It wasn't the question we were asking when we adopted our children from Liberia in 2007.  Back then, we viewed adoption as a good thing to do, a way to have more children, and we knew it was commanded in scripture to care for orphans and so it seemed like a good idea.

And it was!  

And we were so blessed!

but then, watching the Lord take our three new precious children from hurting, fearful, unattached, raging, and traumatized orphans to healthy, content, spunky, attached, redeemed children who were a part of our family. . .

well, it changed something in us.

We realized that God, who can raise the dead to life, ALSO can bring life to children who desperately need it.  He can take what is broken and make it new, make it whole and He had given us the PRIVILEGE of being a part of that work in our kiddos' lives!  How incredible was that?

Honestly, when the opportunity arose to adopt a sibling group of (GASP) SIX older children out of the inner city foster system, well, there were none of those similar feelings from our first adoption -

they weren't a picture of a cute sibling group on a website,
we had no sweet ideas of what it would be like,
we weren't looking to necessarily increase our family because we wanted more children. . .

BUT, we did want something else.

We wanted to walk in obedience to Christ and to share in the work that He wanted to do in these children's lives if someone would just give them a chance.

But WHO?  Who would it be?  Would it be us?  
We knew this was the question God was asking us.

It would be HARD - oh, we knew it would be hard!
We had firsthand knowledge and experience at adopting hurt older children with attachment issues - KFHP's (Kids From Hard Places).

We would have been delusional to believe that it would be anything but hard,
and we knew there were risks - BIG risks in adopting 2,3,6,8, 10 and12 year olds from the foster system. . . many of our friends told us so.

But in the end, we knew that we had to listen NOT to those voices (ours and others) that said "this is crazy so you shouldn't. . . "

no.

We had to listen to the ONE voice saying "Yes!  This is crazy!  AND, this is love.  Crazy Love!  And if not you, then who?"

We knew.  There was no one else.  

God had called us. 

He had called us!

US!  

And suddenly, rather than a burden, we saw that this crazy call was a blessing!

How amazing and how humbling that he would once again allow us the opportunity to be involved in His amazing heart work of redemption for these specific children whom he loved!

There are days when we wish it wasn't so hard.
There are days when we are tired beyond what we think we can stand.

But there is not EVER a day when we regret saying "Yes."

"Yes, we will answer God's call to care for the least of these, knowing that He is GOOD and SOVEREIGN and works powerfully to redeem all that has been lost and stolen and makes all things new - even older children from very hard places."

Considering Halloween

The children and I have been asked many times over the past week what we were doing for Halloween and what they were going to "be" for Halloween.  How we have approached Halloween has changed a lot over the years for a number of reasons which I will expand on tomorrow.  

If you are reading this blog and you have recently adopted children (within the past 2 years), 

I will give you this little tip that may save you a little sanity:  whatever you usually do on Halloween, SKIP the sugar-laden, high sensory-overload Halloween-fest or Harvest Party at least for this year.

  It is O.K. 

Your children will not die if they don't get to go trick-or-treating.  Nor will they die if they don't go get their faces painted while inhaling huge amounts of sugar and popcorn just before winning a game of "Jesus Jack-O-Lanterns" and then bringing home a small goldfish which will most certainly die the next day. . . 

If you have NO idea why I am saying to SKIP it this year, you have probably just very recently arrived home and you really should believe me when I say that the last thing your new child needs is this high level of stress mixed in with the very real spiritual battle that is raging for his or her heart and is often intensified on this night.  

More tomorrow on our family's personal Halloween journey, but here's something to think about:

"Instead of hating evil, Americans toy with it. We toy with holidays like Halloween that were conceived in evil and that promote the “cute-ification” of evil, whether that evil takes the form of witchcraft, sorcery, ghoulishness, or some other form of malevolent imagery paraded before our children. We laugh at the very things that the Lord describes as “abominations,” and we find ourselves obsessively fascinated by, and attracted to, all things dark.

Yet we do not fear the Lord. . . "

                                                     - Doug Philipps (read the rest of the article here)

Yes, read it now!

Sara, who writes at , is one of the most amazing writers I have ever read (btw, I think she is also a songwriter and I'm sure I would love to hear her music someday!).

 PLEASE skip over to her blog today and read "When Love Cries Out."

One small morsel that I will be adding to my favorite quotes list:

"Our God is not a passive lover 

and the love He calls forth from us cannot be passive 

if it is going to trump fear."

Choosing to say "YES!" to what Sara calls the "awkward, unnatural love" of adoption is what changed our lives completely. . . wrecked our lives (for good), trumped our fears, and has taught us more about the Father's love, grace, and our complete need to depend on Him and abide in Him in all things.   

Adoption Lessons: To Sum it Up:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”                    

---C.S. Lewis

"If you want to be great in God's kingdom, 

learn to be the servant of all."  

--Jesus

Thank you Auntie Leila

If you've never heard of Auntie Leila, you are seriously missing out on some wonderfully practical and biblical parenting wisdom!  

Today, her advice couldn't be more helpful since it is actually a response to a personal question my friend Shawna and I sent her about the new dynamic of parenting all of our "early teen" aged children - especially in regards to them spending time together with friends.  

Most days I feel like I have a small jr. high youth group in the van with me and I'm finding (as Auntie Leila suggests) that it is extremely helpful to have productive activities to involve them in rather than letting them play the day away.  

In fact, whereas my "littles" and "middles" (those aged 4ish - 10ish) seem to be able to productively fill their day with appropriate creative active play, the "bigs" (11-14) can seem only to be able to find mischief and trouble when left to their own free time and tend to start to pick at the younger ones.  

SO, I really really appreciate Auntie Leila's advice today!  Hope you will click over and read!  Especially if your "littles" and "middles" are becoming "bigs."

------------------

Thanks to a friend I saw on the 4th of July who encouraged me to start blogging again - I think I'm back. ;)

Adoption Lessons: What's Love Got to Do with it?

My new blog friend Jamie has just recently published a new blog series 10 Days of Adoption.  Be sure to check out all of her great posts and her story (while you're at it!).  

I was honored that she asked me for a few of my thoughts on parenting children with Reactive Attachment Disorder and on bonding and loving children with RAD.*  

Parenting children with attachment issues is not easy by any stretch of the imagination, but it HAS taught me about love.  

Here's my small contribution to Jamie's post on bonding:

Children from hard places who have experienced trauma 

(and I would argue that losing your birth family is always traumatic) 

are going to have “attachment issues.”  

Their trust has been broken 

by the very people who were 

supposed to be the most trustworthy.  

Your words mean nothing to them.  They have no reason to trust what you say and they have every reason to doubt.  They have been hurt, they have had to learn to protect themselves, they lack the ability to empathize, and they are scared to death, they are master manipulators and they want to be in control. 

WARNING:  Their behavior is going to reflect this.  

And it is going to make you feel crazy.  

And parenting them is hard – CRAZY HARD.

Even if you “fell in love” with their referral pictures, chances are that once you enter this crazy hard world of loving a child with attachment issues, you are not going to FEEL like you love them. No, it does not FEEL the same as parenting a healthy attached child. Not the PC thing to say, but true. It’s hard to feel love for a child who tries to sabotage you at every turn.

But, you see, you DO love them: 

You love them by doing the loving thing over and over and over. 

You love them by parenting them in the way they need to be parented – with high nurture and high structure (despite how you parented your other kids or how your church friends parent). 

You love them by holding them when they are raging and telling them that you aren’t going anywhere. 

You love them by praying for them and fighting the spiritual battle on their behalf. 

You love them by not being easily offended. 

You love them by not being easily manipulated. 

You love them by not giving up, by not confirming their suspicions that you are just like all of the others who abandoned them and broke their trust. 

You love them by laying down your life, picking up your cross, and dying to yourself 

over 

and over 

and over.

Yes, you love them. . . and by the grace of God, someday, yes someday, you will wake up and realize that they believe you and they trust you and both of you FEEL, truly feel that phileo (friendship) love that you have both been longing for.

Dear "trauma mama" if you are in the trenches today, lovingly parenting through the crazy-hard, please do not lose heart!  Do not give up or be easily discouraged.  Fight the battle by dying.  Just for today, lay down your life and choose love.  

If you have time today, please skip on over to Sara's as she poetically describes just what I am talking about!  

*If you don't know much about RAD, please check out this great description by Lisa.  All of my 9 adopted children showed almost all of the symptoms that are listed when they first came home to us.  

To Eat or Not to Eat

Always wanting to eliminate the unhealthy and incorporate more of the healthy from our lives.

Here's where you can find some great inspiration and information today on

WHAT NOT TO EAT

and

WHAT TO EAT


Feeding my family well is certainly important but can sometimes feel a bit overwhelming since I'm cooking for TWELVE pretty big people 3 times a day!

How do you feed your family well?