Feeling Condemned and Overwhelmed

Courtney from Storing up Treasures recently blogged about her Midlife crisis?. I CAN SO RELATE!

Interestingly enough, Courtney is 32 (I am 33) and has 10 kids (so do I) and many of them are from hard places (mine too).

I was moved to tears as I read her thoughts because I KNOW where she is.

I have been there.

I was there last September just before my husband and I went to the Together for Adoption Conference (T4A).

I responded in her comment section, but I thought I might post my response here as well just in case any other adoptive mama's are down in that very hard, very dark place and need some encouragement.

Read Courtney's post here

My response: Courtney,

It sounds like you are in what I have heard described as the "dark night of soul." I was SO there last August/September!

You are receiving a lot of advice here and I'd love to offer a few thoughts of my own, but before I do, may I just urge you to use caution as you read all of them. . . many of the ideas are not rooted in Truth but are rooted in secular humanistic thinking - they are lies, but they are the kind of lies that sound VERY much like the truth and are SO easy to believe. Be careful, my dear sister in Christ, to run everything through the lens of Truth, to see if the "ideas" are true according to God's Word, and aren't just worldly wisdom.

When I was where it sounds like you are, I realized a couple of things that (by God's Grace) I believe really helped me to renew my thinking which then eventually led to a refreshment of my spirit.

1. I had lost Hope. I had actually started to believe that there was no light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. I was beginning to think that these kids from hard places would never heal, that life was just caving in on us, that I'd never be able to parent w/o frustration, etc. . . I totally lost sight of the fact that we ALWAYS have Hope in Christ. That He was working out his perfect plan in our lives. That His grace was sufficient for me, and that there WAS light, I just needed to look up. Have you lost hope? That is believing a lie. There is Hope.

2. I was feeling CONDEMNED - I was a bad EVERYTHING! Just like you described. . . , it was this overwhelming feeling of everything being wrong, bad, terrible. A good friend pointed out to me that I was FEELING condemned but the Truth is that there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I was feeling accused. Do you know who the accuser is? That's right - Satan! He stands and accuses us, but Christ says on our behalf, "I have paid for all of that. It doesn't matter. It is gone." Accusation and condemnation are so guilt producing and awful because we KNOW that there is no way we can ever be good enough, be enough. God does not want us to stand feeling condemned and accused. He has declared us righteous not because of US, but because of Him! HOWEVER, conviction is much different. Conviction is from the Holy Spirit and is SPECIFIC (not vague and overwhelming like condemnation/accusation). So, it is totally possible that there is something that the HS is convicting you about, but with conviction, you can see the specific sin, repent, know forgiveness, and move on in freedom (w/o guilt) because you have dealt with it. See the difference. Don't believe Satan's lies here either. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Now, pragmatically speaking, I was EXHAUSTED emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Being a 32 y.0. mother of 10 (many from hard places) will do that to you. (BTW, did you know that we share all of that in common? LOL!)

What REALLY helped to refresh me in body, mind, and spirit was to plan a week long getaway (to T4A and then some other fun stuff) with my husband. WE TOTALLY needed it. It took some work on the front end, but it was seriously the best thing we could have done at that point. T4A was great in many ways - some of which I'm sure you will get in Orlando in a few weeks - but it was also great b/c of the incredible worship times with Aaron Ivy which refreshed our spirits greatly. The time away in a nice hotel and then some time spent with good friends and just time to be quiet (we both know how little of that we get daily) and think was invaluable. I KNOW that the tendency to say "we just can't do it right now" will be great (that's what I thought!), but I think that if you are where you sound like you are (and I was totally there), you HAVE GOT to do this for both yourself and the Rockstar.

AND, you HAVE GOT to keep in touch almost daily with that one good friend who will hear your heart - who you can say "IT SUCKS" and she will say, "Yes, it is hard! AND, it is totally good. Keep it up. Keep it up. I am here to help however I can." Do you have that friend? I am praying that God will bring her to you if you don't.

I would LOVE to talk with you over the phone and to just pray with you. My husband and I will help you get away if there is any way we can help. We know where you are. (msg. me via facebook?)

IT IS hard!

It is GOOD.

There is Hope!

Praying for His peace, and renewed joy as you go through this "dark night of soul" and KNOWING that JOY comes with the morning, Jen

9 down, 1 to go

No fun. NINE sick kiddos and a husband with terrible allergies!

I am praising God that I am still well and I hope to stay that way!

Up lots of the night helping find solutions for sore throats, coughs, runny noses, and fevers.

Did you know you can MAKE cough medicine? It is so easy. I got the basic recipe from The How To Herb Book by Keith and Gordon. It a book I use ALL of the time!

Here's the basic recipe:

1 cup honey

1 cup lemon juice

1-2 Tbsp. each of lobelia herb and ginger root

1/2 tsp. alum

1/2-1 tsp. cayenne

put it all in a small saucepan and simmer down for a few minutes (will turn liquidish). Strain out the herbs and you are left with a sweet, sour, spicy cough syrup that is all natural and actually works really great. DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional, just a mom who tries not to put synthetic drugs into her children as much as possible. Use wisdom and do your own research before trying yourself, please!

Please pray for healing, especially for Jeff, as he is supposed to be preaching tomorrow!

A Work in Progress

Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,

to be self‑controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. -*Titus 2:4-5

Dearest "younger women" friends,

Are you just starting out and it seems like you'll never "get it?"

Do you have multiple ones at home and you feel like you just barely make it through each day?

Is your house a mess and your dinner less than appetizing?

Is your love life with your husband lacking (or non-existent)?

I know.

It is hard.

and,

for some of you,

it seems like you

"just weren't made for this*."

but

Don't be discouraged by what doesn't come naturally.

Honestly, I didn't know ANY of this* when I started out either.

It has been a seeking, reading, praying, growing, working it out

process to get where I am now

as a woman, wife, mom, and homemaker. . .

and I'm still learning

and have far to go.

Satan would love for you to believe that you can't do

what doesn't come easily or naturally.

That is a LIE.

God has created us to be helpers

and nurturers

and managers

and so much more

and

He equips and teaches us to do it.

Learning to find joy and contentment

in the hard work of this* has been one of

the

most

refining

processes

in my whole life.

It has been KEY in helping me to die to myself.

and oh,

so very hard

BUT SO VERY GOOD!

Take heart, my dear friends,

for as my grandmother always said,

"We are all a work in progress."

None of us have arrived yet (no matter how it looks on the outside!)

On the journey,

Jen

Growing

‎Gradual growth in grace, growth in knowledge, growth in faith,

growth in love, growth in holiness,

growth in humility, growth in spiritual-mindedness

-

all this I see clearly taught and urged in Scripture,

and clearly exemplified in the lives of many of God's saints.

But sudden, instantaneous leaps

from conversion to consecration

I fail to see in the Bible.

~ J.C. Ryle

Broken-Down House

A Light in His Hands

So little preparation

so many

unrealistic expectations

so often

dreams are dashed

unwanted fears

realized.

Too few

understand where they are

too few

know where they're going

too many

feel alone and lost.

Yet the One who knows

and who understands

has joined the journey.

He holds a light

in His hands

and He is One

who can be trusted.

If you are looking for a book to read this year, pick up Broken Down House: Living Productively in a World Gone Bad by Paul David Tripp

Be Informed before Injecting

Mr. Z cut his finger today. It bled a LOT and, in the craziness of the moment, I thought I might call to see if we could get in to see our doctor just to see if it needed a stitch.

I was unprepared for the unsolicited medical directive that was inappropriately offered to me by the SECRETARY that I needed to come in for Mr. Z to get a tetanus shot.

IF I had been thinking clearly, I would have just asked to have the doctor call me back, but instead I said "uh, o.k., what time?"

Immediately after I got off the phone I felt sick to my stomach and knew that I needed to check into this further before I injected my son with a foreign substance because he had a cut on his finger.

What I was able to quickly learn about tetanus shots was more than troubling and I subsequently cancelled the appointment, cleaned the wound thoroughly (again), administered some herbal immunity boosting pills, and some of my homemade herbal "miracle salve."

(which is what I would normally do, duh!)

This incident made me aware of just how easy it is to passively fall into whatever the cultural norms are of the day, whether it be sending our kids off to indoctrination centers when they are 3 or injecting them with foreign substances because that's what the doctor (or his secretary) tells us to do.

We've made some decisions about vaccines in our family.

We made them with a large amount of information and prayer.

I can't tell you what you should do (nor do I want to), but I do want to exhort you to

INFORM yourself and discuss it with your spouse BEFORE you INJECT.

Please, take the time to at least check out the other side!

Do your own research, but here are a few places to start:

http://www.vaccinetruth.org/

Interview with Dr. Sherri Tenpenny

PLEASE take the time to listen to this 4 part series from a doctor who used to give vaccines! Well worth your time!

http://www.generationrescue.org

some other good reading at klaty.com from another concerned mother who has done her research.

I Love it (and hate it)

While I fully realize that my blog here is a visual mess (that's the part I hate). . .

I LOVE the family photos we had taken this fall.

I am finally getting around to organizing and ordering some of them for our walls and I just had to share a few here via the new blog header.

I LOVE how this collage shows how God brought all of the parts of our family together to make one whole.

I LOVE how colorful they are.

I LOVE how colorful WE are!

And now, for our big announcement:

Our adoption placement is FINAL!

Our six precious children whom we have been fostering for over a year are finally "officially" ours.

We celebrated with a big pizza party with friends and family.

It truly has been one amazing year.

I LOVE it.