Please don't knock on my door

UNICEF.

Anyone know what that stands for?

Oh, right, the United Nations Children's Fund. . . vocally committed to the "best interests of the child" - vocally.

O.K., great. (Rant warning)

BUT, what about ACTUALLY - as in, ACTUALLY committed to the best interests of the child?

Well, I guess this would beg the question, then: what are the "best interests of the child?"

Let's take Haiti, for example: Hundreds of thousands of orphaned, or possibly orphaned children are now living on the streets with basically no food, water, diapers, shelter, or care. Sex traffickers have already been making their way into Haiti and have been witnessed trying to purchase children. So many of these children were barely making it before the earthquakes and now have little chance of survival. What is in their best interest?

Well, I have been mostly hearing two options (I know, there are more, but for the sake of argument):

1. Release the children on humanitarian visas to come to the U.S. (or other countries) to live with families who will love and care for them until their status can be determined and/or at least some sense of order can be restored in Haiti. Then, depending on XYZ, allow them to be adopted or returned to their families in Haiti.

or

2. STOP all efforts to move the children out of Haiti. Let them sit in the streets, dying, while some groups try to set up "children's camps." Move them into the "camps" while trying to find a family member (who, if found, probably also have NO resources) to take them. If the sex traffickers move in, well then. . . not like they follow the law anyways, right?

Well, according to UNICEF, apparently option #2 is in the "best interest of the children."

Nice. I mean after all, isn't option #2 what we all dreamed of as children? You know, to have that "Lord of the Flies" experience of living with tons of other scared, starving children in a camp with limited resources? Yes, oh yes, that is much better than in a loving family with plenty of resources.

Are there potential problems with option #1? Yes! but the problems do not involve the children DYING from lack of basic food, water, and sanitation! And, if the Hurricane Katrina disasters taught us anything, it was that it takes YEARS to rebuild and restore after a major disaster (and this was in the U.S. - imagine what it will be like in Haiti!). These children don't have years to wait.

You can read more about this HERE

Please don't knock on my door next Halloween to Trick or Treat for UNICEF. What they do for children seems more like a vocal "trick" than an ACTUAL "treat."

In regards to Haiti. . .

Read this.

The Mission of Motherhood

If this post title seems familiar to you, it might be because it is also the title of a fantastic book by Sally Clarkson. I highly recommend ANY book by Sally Clarkson, and this one is no exception.

Today our whole family (yep, everyone!) attended our church's mini missions conference. It was a really great day! We heard from some different missionaries that our church supports and learned more about missions. I REALLY wanted my children to attend because I know that many of the missionary stories I heard as a child had a profound influence on my spiritual growth and opened my heart toward God's leading in my life in many ways. The older children were definitely listening and engaged and even "the babies" were able to sit, listen, and quietly play for the 4 hour conference (with a short lunch break thrown in!).

BUT, the real reason for this post is that as we were sitting there, I was once again reminded that my home is really my mission field (at least for right now)! Just two short months ago, "Mr. Chatty" had NEVER heard about Jesus! That's right - NEVER! And just to be clear: this is an 8 year old boy who was born and raised in the United States. The only thing he remembers ever hearing is one girl in his public school classroom saying that "we are all brothers and sisters with God - but we're not allowed to talk about it here." He thought she was talking about a pretend god.

Two months later, this same little boy (the one who the foster agencies said was angry, defiant, aggressive, etc.) LOVES Jesus! He can't wait for the next day's Bible story: and after he hears it he can't wait to tell someone else about these amazing things (like Dorcas being raised from the dead)! He thoroughly enjoys our Family Sunday School lessons in the Westminster Shorter Chatechism and totally applies himself to memorizing every Bible verse we give him. He recently was telling me that before he was in our family he "didn't know nothing about Jesus or God and was mean and rude and mad," but now he "knows Jesus and He's changing my life and I'm not like that any more!" It is the truth, too! This is one changed (and changing) boy.

The same is true for his sisters who had one great foster family before us who introduced them to Christ. They are really growing in their love and knowledge of Him. It is being reflected in their attitudes and actions. It is really an amazing thing to watch, to be a part of, to enjoy! We are so truly blessed that God granted us the faith and courage to say "yes" to this crazy adventure. I am so blessed to be able to focus my time and attention on these precious children right here in my own "home missions" field!

On a similar note, did you know that if a family has 8 children and they raise them all to love and follow Christ, and then they each do the same, then in 5 generations there would be 32,000 Christ followers? Isn't that amazing?

I don't believe in my whole life (so far) I have personally led even 5 people to Christ but, Lord willing, hopefully all 10 of our children will choose to follow and serve Christ and do the same with their children which will result in a small army of believers ready to serve their Lord and Savior; ready for the fields.

the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Pray, therefore, that the Lord would send out workers unto the fields.

The BEST adoption advice I've ever read!

Seriously, Laura just posted the most biblical, accurate, truthful adoption advice on parenting "RAD" children that I have ever read. It is 100% right on and is, for the most part, exactly what healed our three very broken, very rebellious Liberian children in the 18-24 months following their homecoming.

I LOVED this so much because it was the answer to my prayers lately for God to show me what I've been missing in parenting our new "RAD" children. . .

It gives a biblical way to define what is going on (rather than the psychological term of Reactive Attachment Disorder): Our children have 2 things:

1. A Strong Will that is very rebellious

and

2. A Broken Spirit

AHA! When we finally come to define what is going on biblically, we can find HOPE and HEALING!!! For, God gives us the remedies for strong wills and broken spirits right there in His Word! And, so, coupled with God's Grace and Mercy, a biblical approach to healing a broken spirit and breaking a rebellious will, we can truly HEAL the hearts of our children!

Offering it all up (again.)

"When night comes, and retrospect shows that everything was patchwork and much that one had planned left undone, when so many things rouse shame and regret, then take all as is, lay it in God's hands, and offer it up to Him. In this way we will be able to rest in Him, actually to rest and to begin the new day like a new life."

St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

patchwork.

undone.

shame.

regret.

yep. pretty much ending most days, lately, just like that.

and what can I do?

Offer it all up to Him.

and rest.

Thank you St. Theresa for the wise words.

I'm writing this in the front cover of my Bible so I can read it every night!

Oh, to rest in Him and to begin each day anew with joy and anticipation of what He will do.

The Truth is still the Truth

In looking for the post on our year of Hard Blessings, I also ran across a few older posts and got caught up reading my own musings from over a year ago.

Funny. . . how it seemed to be that my "old self" wrote those words just to encourage the "me" of today.

I almost laughed when I read THIS POST from almost a year before we began our process of adopting 6 more children. If anyone thought we were crazy then, I can't imagine what they're thinking now. LOL! I would encourage anyone considering adoption to read! Also, if you think we're nuts. . . please read!

Then, I was so blessed to read THIS POST which is a great resource to anyone who is a friend or family member to someone who is parenting "attachment challenged" children (as I find myself doing once again). PLEASE read and pass along! If you are my IRLF (in real life friend), your understanding and helpful behaviors go a LONG way in making my life less frustrating right now (which I GREATLY appreciate!).

Your Questions Answered (vol. 1)

How does foster care/adoption compare to your Liberian adoption?

Hmmm. . . in many ways it is very similar.

• We feel like both of our adoptions have been very much a part of God's plan and that it was Him who called us to this.
  

• In both instances we have brought in sibling groups of older children.
  

• There were many unknowns with our Liberian adoption process and MANY unknowns about the children (just given the nature of adopting from a Third World country with a very small beauracracy!). We are finding out that the overabundant American beauracratic system, with all of the social workers and systems and files, does not necessarily decrease the amount of unknowns!

• We feel very strongly that it has been CRUCIAL to our children's attachment and healing for them to be home with us during the day rather than away at day care or public school (I'm not looking to start a debate here, just stating that there is NO way our Liberian children could have healed and bonded so well if they were away from us 8 hours a day nor would we be able to make any headway w/ our foster/adopt children if they were away and with "friends" for most of the day).

• A lot of the other strategies we learned while parenting our Liberian children through that very hard first year have been helpful in our new "very hard year" with our foster/adopt children: things like rocking, giving bottles, setting tight boundaries, severely limiting media, etc. . .

• It was/is hard for our adopted children to believe that this is really forever (at least, initially). For our Liberian children it was hard because their bio. parents had lied to them, they had lived in an orphange, and they were very confused about what "adoption" was for at least 12 months. . . AND, they weren't bonded or attached! For our foster/adopt children, there are less obvious signs of bonding and attachment issues, the older ones understand "adoption" in their head, BUT being in and out of many homes gives them a very confused idea about the concept of a "forever family" as well.
  

In some ways it has been different:

• With our Liberian adoption, once we had our children, they were "ours" for sure. As soon as we boarded the plane for the U.S. I had no fear that anyone or anything would take them away from us. With foster-adoption, there is always that nagging fear in the pit of my stomach that something could go terribly wrong and my children could be declared "not mine" at any point before the adoption is final. Of course, in our heads and hearts they are "ours" for sure. . . I just pray that "the system" doesn't decide something else!

• Although in both cases we have adopted older sibling groups, the "issues" that have come have been somewhat different. Our Liberian children came home and were very much on sensory overload. There were cultural adjustments, language barriers, and a lot of RAD behaviors that we were addressing. We had a TON of defiance, anger, spiritual oppression, pouting, etc. . . This time, our foster/adopt children don't have all of the sensory and cultural adjustments (except for those that are more family specific) but they have more of the sassy, entitled, whining, emotional manipulation behaviors that remind me very much of my junior high years! LOL!

I am going to have to think about this some more, because there are really a LOT of things I could compare and contrast. . . these are just the things that were on my mind tonight.

How much involvment do social workers,the child's bio family, etc.. become involved?

I think this is different depending on which social workers, judges, and agencies you are working with and also dependent upon the specifics of your child's case. At this point, our children's bio. family is not in the picture at all but we are open to it at some point in the future if it is a safe thing for our children. The social workers we have worked with have been awesome, but we have also seen some really poor social workers and situations too. I think most of them are overworked, undertrained, and underpaid so we try to always give them the benefit of the doubt and an extra measure of grace knowing that they, also, are working within a very messed up system.

Also how does fostering with the intention to adopt work? Is it like it was for your Liberian children where you choose the children or does the social worker place any child that needs a foster family with you?

I think it can work either way. We were actually approved to be foster parents who could adopt a child in our home if they became available. We would have been very happy to do that at some point. However, after our first foster children went home, we realized that we really did want to adopt again and began looking to see if there were any children in the foster system now who were ready and available to be adopted. So, like our Liberian adoption, this adoption also began with an email from us requesting information about children on a photolisting. Most states have a photolisting of available children or you can try adoptuskids.com to see children from every state. Always ask if there are other siblings. . . our six children were originally only four!