I originally posted much of this as an answer to a request for some "good news" stories over on the Tuesday Topic at A Bushel and A Peck.
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It is such a long story and we have seen God move in incredible ways.
He has brought true healing and redemption to all of our nine children from hard places with attachment issues and trauma.
It wasn't an easy journey and some days, it is still hard, but (for the most part) we REJOICE in the changes that He has brought to their hearts, bodies, minds. . . to ALL of them.
Our first adoption was a sibling group of 3 from Liberia who were 4, 5, and 7 when we brought them home 4 years ago.
They were VERY attachment-challenged/RAD - as in, screaming raging fits, pouting, non-verbal, sensory issues, serious spiritual battles, etc. . . almost daily for the better part of a year or so!
Today, they are SUPER healthy, happy, wonderful children whom I forget have not been with me since birth!
They do not rage anymore, don't ignore or manipulate or triangulate (mostly).
We have the (very rare) occasion when they might sort of slip back into a "oh poor me" type attitude but we see it right away and they "regulate" (RAD lingo) SO fast - minutes instead of hours!
They initiate loving contact appropriately and receive it appropriately.
They are attached to us and don't go giving random affection to strangers anymore!
All of them have come to know and love Christ and they have a heart for others as well.
Really, I forget what a struggle it was unless I am asked about it! Then, I, quite honestly, have to fall on my knees thanking God for all he has done. It really has been incredible!
Our second adoption was a sibling group of 6 who came to us from the foster system just a year and a half ago when they were ages 2,4,6, 8, 10, and 12. LOTS of attachment and trust issues. LOTS.
They had been in and out of care for years and had most adults in their lives leave and lie to them. ugh.
The older ones were sad, cold, distant, depressed, angry, fearful, mean, hateful, sassy, rude, and terribly self-centered and hateful.
The younger ones were completely unattached - almost like wild animals -
hard, unfocused, no eye contact, mostly non-verbal, fit throwing, "behind,"
and even had strange self soothing techniques like clicking and head-banging.
Yes, it was seriously crazy around here - again, for the better part of a year (or more?!) -
BUT, again, God is in the business of making all things new!
Just last week the now 9 year old came and wanted to "repent and walk with Jesus and obey Him." After he prayed and we talked, he said, "Mom, I feel like the old has gone and the new has come. . . you know that verse? And my life is like Romans 8:28. . . we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes."
Oh, the amazing redemption stories He has allowed us to be a part of!
Today (less than 2 years later), the oldest two girls are some of the most amazing young "teens" that I know.
They are compassionate, loving, and gracious (mostly).
When they do get sassy and rude (as most young girls sometimes do) they are quick to repent and make it right.
They trust us and when they get scared or fearful they come right to us so we can talk about it.
We have honest, open discussions about joys, fears, and the pain of loss that is still there, but they are truly healed little girls.
They have goals, dreams, and true JOY in the Lord.
They are helpful to us and to others.
They are playful and love to laugh.
The two youngest are no longer "behind" - in fact, all of their "diagnosis" they came with can just be ripped up and thrown away!
They are totally communicative, funny, happy, growing pre-schoolers.
They push the limits like any preschooler, but not in the crazy RAD way.
They get their love from mom and dad and not from strangers.
They are happy to see us.
They want to rock, make eye contact, and do the other very healthy things that a non-attachment challenged child would do!
They are truly JOYful blessings in our family!
The two "middle" children are still on their path to true healing, but we have seen some amazing progress even in the past month.
Our little wild child - our 7 y.o. girl - now actually "melts" when I hold her instead of feeling like a stiff board.
She climbs up for hugs, looks in my eyes, wants to talk and interact.
Her irritating, annoying, "look at me" behavior has decreased dramatically, and I think she is well on her way to total healing!
Our boy, now 9, has maybe had the hardest time because he probably has had the hardest past.
BUT, he doesn't head bang anymore (incredible!).
He is beginning to "melt" when hugged, talk and not talk at appropriate times, and is starting to have a sense of wanting to please us (rather than not caring at all).
He is the one who recently committed to following Christ and we see a change in him already.
I realized that one of the reasons I have never really told all of this part of our story is that I sometimes feel like telling it will discourage others who haven't seen this type of healing yet.
Please don't let this discourage you, but rather may it ENCOURAGE you to persevere.
I know how hard it is to be in that very dark place where you are about to lose Hope and you wonder if it will ever be any better. I do know. It is SO hard. I get it.
I don't know why our children are doing so well when others aren't yet. The only thing we can boast in is in Christ and in his redemptive work in our children's lives.
True wisdom does not come from adoption experts. It comes from Him and His Word.
We thank and praise Him for it and pray that He might continue His work in all of us.
And so, rather than offer more advice on how this happens, I will simply offer this:
We BELIEVE
(not just in our heads, but in our actions)
that He CAN heal,
that He has called us to this
and will give us the strength to carry on,
that He is refining us in this process
and that it is a GOOD thing (although hard),
that there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS Hope.
We HAVE GOT TO believe these things.
We just have to!
If God is not Sovereign and Good,
then why do we serve him or even believe in him?
If he is Sovereign and Good,
then the above list is true
and we simply MUST believe it
and live, everyday, like we do!
8 comments:
Beautiful Jen!!! Love this and praise God!
Jesus Christ, and HIM ALONE!
We have seen it, and continue to see it--healing, redemption, restoration, transformation...
Blessings,
Summer
Amazing! Such miracles of the redemptive love of Christ! What an honor it must be to be a part of it!
And, I am here to give testimony as an IRL friend, who sees this family weekly, that Jen speaks the truth here. This is a very honest assessment, in my observation, of where the children have come from, and where they are now.
And I will mention that Jeff and Jen's one bio son is also an amazing young man. God has done great things in his heart. His faith is deep beyond his years.These past 4 years have been difficult for him, to say the least. He, of course, is a work in process...but amazingly, at 11 years old, he KNOWS it. He has an understanding of his own needfulness for God that many, much more "mature" Christians do not possess.
All glory to God for the Summers family! And lest you believe that life is "easy" for them...it is not. Yet, God is being glorified daily as they participate in His plan for Redemption!
Praising Jesus with you!
This is encouraging ... even for those of us that haven't seen the healing come as quickly or easily.
Our 9 year old (home 3 years) is still in such a TOUGH place. But, she came from such a very tough, traumatic, childhood, that we do have understanding and compassion (most of the time).
Thanks for sharing. It gives me hope.
Laurel
Hi there.
We just recieved our adoption licence last week and are awaiting contact from a caseworker. At this point in the game we have lots of "helpful advice" coming our way. Mostly warnings like: "Those kids are so messed up. Why don't you get a baby??" or "siblings? How are going to handle a bunch of kids from CPS?" But, we know God's plan for us to adopt a "messed up" sibling group from foster care...so we march on. It is VERY COMFORTING AND ENCOURAGING to read your blog. You reveal harsh realities of what we are to face very soon, but they are accompanied by the sweet promises of the Lord. THANK YOU!
Katie
Here is our story so far.... http://mskatiesartstudio.blogspot.com/search/label/Adoption%20Journey
THANK YOU for your hopeful posts. So much of what I read about adopting older tramatized children is negative, but I just keep thinking- God is not a God of "this child can not heal" or "there is no hope for this one". We are in process of getting our homestudy done to adopt through the foster care system, after 4 private adoptions. Your story is inspiring! So thank you for sharing and the encouragement it brought to me today.
Thank you Jen. I stumbled across your blog a couple of nights ago (doing some 'research' having had a word from The Lord about adopting again) and have been up late the past two evenings reading your comforting and VERY inspiring words - it's like God talking straight to me. I feel uplifted and stronger and I'm thanking God for his refining me and for getting me ready for our next adoption..... :)
It's been a tough 4 years since adopting our two girls, 5 and 9, from foster care but I am a changed woman and have had to surrender so much - I'm really starting to feel the freedom now - Amen!
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