Parenting Mantras

It is always amazing to me that my children can remember all of the words to their favorite songs, the lines from a funny movie they've only seen once, and exactly what their sibling said that they shouldn't have said for which they should be in trouble. . . but they seem to forget the wise words of their mama in just minutes.  Do you know what I'm talking about here?  LOL!  

Well, there are a few things that my dear husband and I have said so many times that we feel like they have become a part of our normal daily vocabulary - parenting mantras of sorts.  So, I thought I would share a few with you.  You never know when they might come in handy at your house.  

Disclaimer:  if you find yourself thinking we are SO mean, just remember that all of these are said in a very sweet and loving tone (o.k., well, most of the time!).  So, here they are in a somewhat random order. . . 

If you whine, you get nothing 

(What do you get when you whine?)

Ughh!  Does whining bother anyone else out there? In our house we start out with the principle first and then once they know it, all we have to do is ask the question.  It is quite funny to hear a 3 y.o. respond to it with a pouty "nu-ting!"  Whining is my hubby's no.1 pet peeve and it does not go over well in our household.  It is especially annoying to him when children whine and are then gratified with whatever it was they wanted.  This happens in our culture A LOT!!!  Even if it is a valid request, in our house, if you whine, you don't get it:  You may wait and ask in a polite way a few minutes later.

You get what you get 

and you don't throw a fit.

I must give credit to my friend Charity for this one.  I think I first heard it at her house and it is a great one.  I find myself employing this "mantra" many times during meal times and also when the children are getting picky about things they should just be grateful for.  It works really well as a reminder BEFORE serving food or handing out new toothbrushes in different colors, etc. . . 

Crying is not dying

Well, hopefully this doesn't totally offend anyone out there.  I don't enjoy hearing my children cry and, for the most part, I don't think our children cry very often.  However, at some point, every mother of young children has got to get to a place where she can say to herself "crying is not dying" - I think the part she then verbalizes to the child is "if you need to continue crying, you may go and sit on your bed until you are finished."  If you have toddlers and especially if you have more than one toddler at the same time, this one will definitely relieve some of that "mommy guilt!"

Less talking, more eating

This one is fun - almost always said with a bit of a giggle in my heart.  You should hear it when my four get going speaking "Liberian."  They might never finish a meal. . . 

Are you Grumbly Hateful or Humbly Grateful?

So this was actually this song I remembered from a church musical I was in when I was like 5 years old!  I can even remember the tune and sing it to my children (Oh, they LOVE that!).  However, it is quite a good question to think about when someone(s) needing an attitude adjustment.

You seem to have a problem, 

what's your plan?

This one is relatively new and I don't employ it nearly enough yet.  It came from an unlikely source:  We were attending our first "foster parent training" and I was going with a less-than-humble attitude.  I remember thinking something like "Oh, great, I get to go hear some psychobabble about childrearing from people who don't know anything."  (I know - great attitude).  Well, I was pleasantly surprised (and humbled) when the training turned out to be extremely helpful to us; not only as future foster parents, but also in our parenting our current children - both bio. and adopted.  

The main thrust behind this "mantra" is that we are helping our children develop a sense of competency to work out their problems.  This is really important for me to remember and is SO much better than telling them what, why, and how they did something wrong and then fixing it for them.  When employed correctly, this simple (and yet profound) statement allows my children to hear that I am aware they have a problem, think that they are capable of finding a solution, and trust that they are going to be able to work it out and that I am fully behind them supporting them as needed.  Wow!  What an encouragement to them (especially to my boys - it really builds their sense that I respect them).   As my children get older, I am really trying to use this more!

If its not yours. . . don't touch it!

Most people do not live by this rule.  I don't even like making "rules" like this. I have never heard any of my friends say this to one of their children.  It sounds really harsh. . . And then came "Speedy Mo."  If you know him. . . you understand.  nuff said!

I love you!

With the many words we speak to our children each day, this should be said more than anything else.  Said, and shown.  Let us remember to build up our children with love and encouragement and not to slip into the habit of only speaking "at" our children with directions and correction- it is easy to do. . .  "I love you, I love you, I love you!"