On the other side, that is.
The other side of the very very VERY (did I say V-E-R-Y?) HARD HARD HARD part of adopting KFHP (kids from hard places) with attachment issues.
Waiting for your adopted children to come home is often likened to pregnancy. The waiting, the expectation, the waiting, the preparation, the waiting, the praying, the waiting. . .
And then, all of the sudden, they arrive. They are home. And EVERYONE is thrilled, and you are too
only no one told you
and you have no clue (if it is your first adoption)
that bringing them home is like feeling the first contraction: Exciting. A new life is joining your family. BUT, labor has just begun and it might be, probably will be a LONG and HARD labor. . .
Shaun says it just perfectly.
Sometimes in the "labor," in those first years home, it feels like you are in a deep dark pit and even though you
KNOW there is light at the end of the tunnel,
KNOW there is Hope in Christ,
KNOW He is doing His redeeming work in them and in you. . .
it FEELS like you
just
might
die.
And, in a very real way, you are - dying, that is - dying to self, choosing sacrifice even though you don't want it. Just like Jesus prayed for his father to take the cup from him but submitted to it anyways for our good and for His glory, we choose to sacrifice by loving our very unlovable (most times) and hurt children who continue to
reject,
push away,
and sabotage. . .
BUT, We rejoice in our suffering as we share in HIS suffering.
We know that suffering is for a little while but that it eventually leads to Hope!
Oh, it is so hard - ESPECIALLY at about 9-12 months in! This was one of our darkest times during both of our adoptions of older child sibling groups. Take heart, dear friend in Christ. We have watched our GREAT God take 9 kids from hard places with major attachment issues and REDEEM them in every way! AND, We thank God that this process involved a whole lot of refining fire in our own lives as well! Refining fire is painful, not pleasant, but it yields fruit that reflects and glorifies our Lord.Dear One, if you feel like you are 27 hours into a long a painful labor, do not give up now. He will be faithful.
Continue fighting the good fight. Do not lose heart or hope. God's grace and your perseverance will yield something beautiful and worth it - just as physical labor pains eventually birth a beautiful bundle of sweet baby goodness. Though you probably can't conceive of it now, you may even someday be wishing to go through these "labor pains" again as you look to bring home another child from a hard place. We know, because we look forward to God blessing us again with more KFHP's if he chooses even knowing the pain it will initially bring.
My husband and I would LOVE to encourage you and your spouse via email or phone conversation anytime! Please let us know if you need help and/or encouragement. We are praying for you.
Jen
10 comments:
I have been following your blog for awhile now. We are waiting for a court date for our 3 children(siblings) from Ethiopia, and have 2 biological childen, also. I SOOO appreciate your wisdom and advice, as there are so many challenges and joys in adoption. If/when I get desperate, I just might try contacting you! :-)
Blessings to your family!!
Great truth in this post. Thanks for sharing honestly.
Jen - This is a must read for adoptive parents...especially those fostering or have taking in children who might have attachment issues! Thank you for your honesty & the beautiful paralleled you painted between God and us. The sacrifice ever bringing us closer to Jesus! Tweeting this one, for sure! Blessings, (Another) Jen ;)
I wish I had read this when we took in our children (sibling group of 10). We had NO idea what we was going to happen, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. This was beautifully written!
~ Rebecca
That is such a perfect expression of where we are ... 2 1/2 years in with our now 6 1/2 year old son. It is, at times, unbearably hard to see all the ways that he continues to push us away, that he continues to not be able to see the great love, acceptance and joy that is waiting for him. And I feel like all of the therapeutic methods of parenting that we have been learning and practicing are barely making a difference. Thank you for your encouraging words and prayers. They are much needed and appreciated. Amy Elder
Oh Jen. Thanks for being the sister and friend that spoke truth into our lives. You will never know how God used you and Jeff.
Two and a half years later......... we see the glory of God in our children.
Isaiah 61
This was by Danyel.:) It published it under David. (My best half.)
Thanks everyone for the encouragement to keep writing truth! We really desire that God would be glorified as we share our experiences and His Truth with other adoptive families!
PLEASE feel free to contact me directly if you need help or encouragement. I LOVE to counsel and pray with families just coming home, or living in the depths of despair about ready to give up, or anywhere in between!
(no spaces) jeff and jen plus 10 (at) gmail (dot) com
Anita dice: los saludamos desde Argentina, compartimos con ustedes el amor por los huerfanos con distintas necesidades, nosotros hemos sido bendecidos con 9 hijos biologicos y hemos adoptado 3 niños con necesidades especialess. El segundo hijo que trajimos a nuestro hogar es el mas problematico, ya hace 3 años que vive con nosotros y todavia no podemos tener una buena relacion madre e hijo, y eso me apena muchos y me trae dolores de cabeza. Me gustarìa que me contestes el presente correo, y te pido tus oraciones a nuestro favor ya que este año traeremos con la ayuda de Dios, otros huerfanos a nuestro hogar. Recibe muchas bendiciones, de parte de una gran familia cristiana.
All I can say is Wow, Wow, Wow!
What an amazing journey your family is on! It's a pleasure to read of God's faithfulness through it all! Seven years into the journey myself and am here to say it's hard, but so worth every moment!
Blessings,
Jennie
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